Wrestlicious "Takedown" Episode 3 TV McReview

And we're back with a review of Wrestlicious's latest episode in their "Takedown" series. I'm sure I could find out on GOOGLE perhaps, but there is no information on Wrestlicious's website about how many episodes Season 1 is nor is there any information on when the big battle royal will air. Wrestlicious is doing a great job promoting that big main event show as well as TNA promotes their PPVs. As long as Jimmy Hart gets paid from both money marks, isn't that what wrestling is all about in 2010?

Speaking of Jimmy Hart, of course Jimmy Hart is the person who opens up this all-girls show for the third straight week in a row. A bit of an ego, heh?

Jimmy Hart is with the host of Wrestlicious, Leyla Milani. Jimmy starts talking about the feedback Wrestlicious is getting. Outside of DOI, I didn't know any other site posted reviews about this show. I mean Wrestlicious can't even get Eric Walker to waste his time with this.

Hart & Leyla continue the bad streak of comedy on Wrestlicious. Hart says that Leyla is only getting paid because she opens up suitcases on "Let's Make a Deal". Well that's a way to put over your host. Not that any of this matters because Wrestlicious producer Johnny C. is stressing that this is not a wrestling show in interviews(I guess that's debatable), but Jimmy Hart did cut Leyla at the knees here and made her look worthless.

Jimmy says he can carry suitcases too. Leyla says that's great, go to my car and go get mine. What a knee slapping, side splitting piece of comedy here.

The main event of the show is plugged, as Amber Lively (Madison Rayne/Ashley Layne) & Lacey Von Erich take on "Ghouls Gone Wild" (How Clever), the tag team of White Magic (Lacey) & Draculetta (Daffney).

We go to a "Wrewind" (Because it's cool in wrestling to spell everything in your own way, such as every tag team with the word boys being spelt as Boyz). We see clips of Paige Webb (Serena) vs Autumn Frost (Jen Blake.) We are shown how Frost won the match. I guess Wrestlicious got lucky here, since Deeb won't be back any time soon and Frost looked strong with the win.

Three more girls are announced for the Takedown Battle Royal. Of course when this Battle Royal is taking place is never mentioned. TNA must be promoting this show too.

Glory (Christie Ricci), Tyler Texas (Lorelei Lee) & Autumn Frost (Jen Blake) are announced for the battle royal. I guess it is safe to assume that everyone on the Wrestlicious roster will be in this thing whenever it takes place.

Cut to Leyla Milani who is reading a book called "Wrestling & Romance." I doubt JV Rich/Jay Vargas has ever heard of the promotion of the same name in Japan. Milani says love is like getting bodyslammed. They should've went the emo route, and said love is like an atomic drop to the nuts.

We then go to a Takedown Spotlight or aka the part of the show where they feature someone untrained, as last week they featured Lacey Von Erich in this spot.

We then spend 2-3 minutes of looking at Cousin Cassie in a bikini. Not for nothing, but if this is supposed to be the wack off part of the show, it didn't work. Plus people can get porn in seconds for free online. Just ask Paige Webb, right? Or just check efukt.com once in a while. Heh. The 2-3 minutes could be spent better than just looking at something that makes the Sports Illustrated swimsuit issue look risque and something that makes Maxim magazine look like Swank.

Plus, during this whole thing of Cousin Cassie in a bikini, they play this hillbilly, go fuck your cousin type of incest country music. I'm not that big into the rap genre and all that, but everytime you go to a strip club, to quote Papadon, "IT'S ALL ABOUT HIP-HOP!" I don't know if in the redneck/it's ok to have sex with your mother as long as you don't get her pregnant States in the country, if they play country music in strip clubs, but I would say 99% of America associate rap and/or R&B music with sensuality and sexuality, not a bunch of yokels who couldn't change today's Lynyrd Skynyrd's spit jar.

I spent more time typing that up and trying to phrase that above paragraph right than how long Cassie was featured here. Sorry for going off on that tangent.

The same video that has been replayed for now three weeks airs. It is Felony (Rain), Cousin Cassie & Bandita arguing what to call the battle royal, which Wrestlicious refuses to give us an airdate for to make the show feel special.

Amber Lively (Madison Rayne) is at doctors office. She is with some doctor. The audio isn't great here, but it's a play on word jokes and somehow we find out that the Doctor has a bad case of the FLOW, not the flu. So apparently the doctor is having his/her period. Maybe the doctor is off being menstrual with a very frustrated Dixie Carter after seeing the TNA Impact ratings.

MAIN EVENT
(And Only Match on the Show)
Amber Lively (Madison Rayne/Ashley Layne) & Lacey Von Erich d. Draculetta (Daffney) & White Magic (Lacey) via DQ

This is pure wrestlecrap. I mean the match was blah and really just used to establish the heel characters. You can't shit on Daffney or Lacey here, as they were great at doing what they were told to do, especially Lacey, who is the 2010 female version of Papa Shango. This was fucking bad, but I would be lying if I said I didn't laugh. You finally got me Wrestlicious, I was laughing at the sheer stupidity of it all. That is the point, I take it, as no one can really think this is good or will make any type of money, but as far as a "bar" laugh, this would sell out the bar and would sell out all the seats at any male- dominated bar in America today.

This was also probably Lacey Von Erich's best match on TV ever. Whoever put this match together did a good job of limiting LVE, unless this match was edited and chopped up, which it didn't appear to be. I mean at times they switched cameras and all, but Lacey didn't look like a clueless Dana Dameson as she usually does.

This is so fucking hokey. Like I said, I was laughing, but at the same time I hope people are smart enough to realize this is not what womens wrestling really is. In this day and age, I think fans are smart enough to establish the difference between all the companies in the wrestling business. At least the fans who are seeking out an alternative. Again, I don't see how any of this was profitable, but it will be hard-pressed to find anyone not to crack a chuckle at this shit Wrestlicious put on.

Basically, White Magic is Papa Shango with female reproductive organs. Lacey does a phenomenal job in this role. It is so fucking stupid and over-the-top, that you can't help but just say wow. I'm sure this was a match that sold out that locker room when it took place.

Anyway, White Magic does the whole voo-doo dance and sporadic convulsions. She goes to a casket, that just happens to be in the sound stage that they are at. She starts dancing and shaking all around it, and Daffney rises from the dead. Daffney is hilarious here. The announcer is trying to sell it as serious at times, which makes the whole thing even more wrestlecrap funny.

They then do this stuff that you learn in any high school computer class, where they put these cheesey smoke graphics on the screen, like how they did with the snow last week for Frost.

Lively is doing a Kentucky cheerleader gimmick, while Lacey is doing the pretending to be a wrestler and having a clue gimmick.

The match itself was kind of an extended squash, although Amber got a few chances to shine. It is fun watching Amber on offense, as you usually don't see too many left-handed female wrestlers. Amber doing southpaw enziguris and forearm shivers is different.

Most of the match sees the goth squad on offense. We have the link up on the main page, and it's on the Wrestlicious.com site, if you got free time, it's worth checking out on your own, just to see Lacey doing the whole voo doo shit. It comes off so corny and stupid that you have to laugh, which I guess the other skits are intended to make you do but don't.

White Magic has a voodoo doll. She uses it during the match. Magic starts hitting the doll and poking at it, and the wrestlers sell the pain from miles away. This is kind of like when Chucky did this in Childs Play, and later in WCW. At least Wrestlicious only rips off the best.

Eventually the ref rules that the voo doo doll is illegal and takes it away from Magic. I can't believe this is wrestling.

In a spot that will have all the perverts press rewind on their DVRs, Daffney lifts Amber's legs over her head, and a thin piece of clothing covers up her babyhole. There was more nudity there than that cousin cassie video. I'm sure that spot will lead to alot of sweaty eyebrows, heavy breathing and sticky fingers from Wrestlicious's target audience.

LVE would get in the match and basically try not to fuck anything up. As I said earlier, they did a good job of protecting her.

This match also got alot of time, as it got about 9 minutes or so, even though there wasn't much wrestling in it.

The finish of the match sees Lacey put on the worst Iron Claw of all time on Draculetta. I don't know if it's more painful to watch or if it's more painful to watch Daffney have to sell it. Then again, Daffney's opponents were selling Voo-Doo magic all night, so I guess anything goes here.

While Lacey has Daffney in an Iron Claw, White Magic disposes of Amber on the floor. Magic then comes into the ring with some sort of voo doo weapon and bashes LVE with it. This was right in front of the ref, so the ref calls for the DQ. Again, with all the money spent on this, I'm surprised Ref Bryce is on this show, as you figure they'd get a female ref. THen again, they have male ring announcers too. I'm surprised they didn't take the concept all the way, but then again they have to have JV Rich (the money mark) & Jimmy Hart (the one who profits off of marks), so I guess everyone needs a payday.

Lacey helps Amber to the back, as Daffney shows off her fangs.

This was so fucking ridiculous, but you will laugh if you see it. I'm sure the wrestlers laughed too afterwards. The only difference between us and them is that they are really laughing all the way to the bank, while I'm laughing while drinking a 2 month old bottle of Red Stripe.

I guess we have to get the money mark on the show, so we have a "JV's Crib" short to close the show. Paige Webb for some reason is in a bikini on Rich's bed. I just don't like how they make Rich this super sex-god, like he's Hugh Hefner or something. At least when Billy Wolfe did it, he was for real. (Look up Billy Wolfe on wikipedia if you don't get it.)

Anyway, Bootcamp Bailey has one of her recruits doing situps or something. I guess we never got the conclusion of the "Young & the Wrestlers" from last week.

Jimmy Hart & Felony w/her cop come into the room. Hart tells the girls to scatter and jumps over one of the recruits, that is laying belly up. Felony stomps on the girls stomach. I hope that girl wasn't pregnant and wasn't doing those pre-natal exercises.

JV Rich comes in with some of the girls that he's paying to hang out with him. Kind of like escorts. Rich asks Jimmy Hart what is he doing here. Jimmy Hart says he has to make the bed. I guess Jimmy Hart will do anything for a payday. (See XFL, NWWL, TNA, Clean Up Hogan's tushie after making a number 2, Wrestlicious, etc.) I wonder if I can get Jimmy Hart to make beer runs for me at random indy shows.

This closes the show, because nothing else says female wrestling like a 60 year old man doing chores for a money mark.

Final McWord
As Wrestlicious has gone on, the shows have become more and more bearable & tolerable to watch. The first week was fucking atrocious and even Magic Johnson said he wished he could have aids again after seeing it.

As far as a silly thing to turn your brain into worthless jelly, this show is succeeding. For the first time, I actually laughed. Steve Blanche should be on the endangered species list, since he's the one who writes the skits according to the credits. The skits are not funny. Then again if he wrote the White Magic match , he did something right, but it seems more misses than hits. I guess we'll see how it goes as the shows go on.

I know what Wrestlicious is trying to do, but if they are going to devote so much time to skits, they can actually be entertaining. The one with the doctor here wasn't even funny and immature enough that a 7th grader would find it funny. It was also confusing with the bad audio anyway.

Right now, the one thing that really doesn't make sense, from a business standpoint, is how come they don't say when that battle royal for the Takedown title is taking place. Wouldn't you want people to know when your big show is taking place?

Also in the grand scheme of things, I don't think Wrestlicious is designed to make any money at all. They don't have live shows. Videos or merchandise to sell. They are giving everything away on free tv and on the internet. No matter how much Wrestlicious loses financially and no matter how many stupid skits that air, it still isn't as bad or as frustrating as TNA.

Overall
Best show of the three that have aired, but if you're looking for something funny or looking for wrestling, this isn't it.

Sean "The MiC" McCaffrey
BULLSMC@aol.com

Wrestlicious Episode 1 Review: Click Here
Wrestlicious Episode 2 Review: Click Here
Wrestlicious Episode 3 Review Click Here

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