Wrestlicious "Takedown" Episode 2 TV McReview

I didn't think I'd be back to do another one of these reviews after the putrid show last week, but it has always been my belief with wrestling, that you can't judge a promotion on just one show. I've always subscribed to the philosophy of giving everyone second chances and giving promotions several shows before making a solid opinion. While it is safe to say that TNA doesn't know what they are doing and blows aids infested gorilla cock, I guess we have to give Wrestlicious a few shows before coming to a final conclusion.

Last week, I did a review because I had some time to do it. I don't know how regular these Wrestlicious reviews will be, but if I get time, I'll try to recap it. It's only 22 minutes. I mean after all, there are worse things to do with your time, like writing about TNA.

Last weeks review stirred up some feathers of readers who don't read the DOI regularly. Perhaps last weeks review was a bit extreme, but I try to make these light-hearted so if the show sucks, and least you get a laugh reading these. Will this weeks show make you feel like you were stomach down on a proctologist's table for a week like last week's show, or will this show be less offensive to anyone with a brain? Find out below:

(Note: I'm doing this review off the top of my head, so some of the horrible skits might be written about out-of-order.)

Because this is an all-female promotion, of course we start the show with Jimmy Hart, who is siphoning money mark JV Rich's bank account. How Jimmy Hart attracts these money marks and gets all these all-female gigs, I'll never know. I mean Hart was part of that NWWL where he just ran around next to naked women with a megaphone all day and got paid to do it. Here, he found the pot at the end of the money mark rainbow. Between making sure Hulk Hogan's ass is wiped and this, Jimmy Hart is doing pretty well financially for himself these days. I mean, here in the year 2010, the guy is getting checks from JV Rich & Dixie Carter, the two biggest & dumbest money marks in all of pro wrestling. Even better, not one of Jimmy Hart's projects have ever been successful, such as the XWF, yet marks line up to throw wheelbarrows of benjamins at him. God bless you Jimmy Hart, you should teach "Working a Money Mark 101".

Anyway, Jimmy Hart is with Leyla Milani. Leyla has been hyped as the host of Wrestlicious, but was no where to be found last week. This week, she was featured a bit, so at least they are going with this. I don't know why a 22 minute show needs a host, but I guess there are other things to pick at. Hart & Leyla do some terrible comedy, where Hart is nervous but then too flirty with her. This basically establishes Leyla as the host. Not a horrendous segment, but I don't know why Jimmy Hart is on this show, an all-female show, outside of because he was a famous manager 20 years ago.

Boot Camp Bailey comes out for our first ever SERIOUS promo in Wrestlicious. I liked the idea, but the execution was horrible. First off, Boot Camp Bailey (BCB from here on in), came off like a babyface in that Wrestlicious rap, so I will say that I liked that I was wrong about that. However BCB's promo was horrible, although the idea behind it made sense.

BCB kept screaming for "ATTENTION". Isn't it supposed to be "Atten-hut?" Shit if she's a heel, she can even start screaming "Atten-Slut" at the babyfaces.

BCB kept going on and on screaming "Attention". This was exactly like Vickie Guerrero doing the "Excuse Me" bit in WWE, except Guerrero gets nuclear heat, while BCB does this in front of an audience that is being paid to be there.

BCB says she's looking for three women to recruit. What she is recruiting them for is unknown. Maybe they are fighting the war on bad wrestling. If that's the case, they can go hogwild on Tony The Top & Maui Wowi from last week.

BCB picks out 2 girls from the crowd and then picks out "Traci" (She's given a name). Traci is the Wrestlicious floor manager. I guess someone has to manage handing out checks to the audience at the end of the taping.

BCB then tells the three girls to march out of the ring, where I guess they will await further instruction. As far as getting over BCB as a heel, this worked, but you can tell BCB has no pro wrestling experience at all, which basically puts her on the same level as the owner of the company.

Last week, they were hyping up a 20 woman battle royal where the last 2 girls will fight for the right to become the first (and probably last) Wrestlicious "Takedown" Champion. When this battle royal will take place is never told. Good way to hype your big match. Anyway, more names are announced for this match which we are never being told when will take place.

Someone must have a raging and blood engorged hard-on for Jeff Foxworthy, because we then followed this up with two terrible & diarreah filled sketches ripping off Jeff Foxworthy. You might be a Wrestlicious redneck if you're a 3rd rate wrestling company that only virgin hicks will enjoy.

Anyway, the first sketch saw Cousin Cassie & Tyler Texas (Lorelei Lee) do some redneck jokes. I don't know how anyone finds this shit funny, but then again, I found out that Larry The Cable Guy made something like 20 million dollars last year, and he's Foxworthy's student. I guess if Wrestlicious is going for that incest dollar, they will get it. Then again, Wrestlicious isn't selling anything and is giving away their shows away for free and don't do live shows, so how Wrestlicious can make a dime, at this point in time, is beyond me. I don't see "Horny Goat Weed" tapping that Wrestlicious bank account with sponsor money.

Up next was "Are You Smarter Than a Male Wrestler?" They didn't ask if taking somas was a good or bad thing.

Anyway, Gloria (Christina Ricci) and Brian Knobs (Another one in the Hogan/Hart camp who always gets paid to do jack shit whenever there is a money mark to be worked) are on two podiums. Jimmy Hart (Shouldn't Leyla Milani be doing this, since she is the host? Again I ask, why would male fans want to tune into Jimmy Hart when they can be looking at Milani?) is the host.

Jimmy Hart asks what happened in 1776? That's a pretty open ended question if you ask me, with no real right answer.

Brian Knobs said the first drinking contest took place. Well, he might be right, who knows. I'll tell you when another drinking contest took place, and that's when JV Rich decided this was a good idea to set up a tax write-off.

Hart says Knobs was wrong. I mean really, that question wasn't specific or anything.

Gloria then says the Declaration of Independence (DOI, I mean who would rip that off right, ha!). Hart says Gloria is right. That ends this pointless segment. Apparently, for those keeping score at home, Gloria is smarter than a male wrestler, or at least Brian Knobs, but really, is that such a feat to brag about?

Tony The Top is at JV Rich's house. She is with Autumn Frost. I guess they are together to establish Frost as a heel, but I might be looking too much into that as I don't think there's much to the writing behind Wrestlicious.

Tony The Top tells JV Rich that he has to make Frost one of his girls. So again, we are supposed to think JV Rich is this super powerful guy that girls cower to, while in reality he is one lucky fuck who won powerball and decided to play wrestling in the role of the money mark. Rich says that Frost belongs on a leash and a really bad laugh track plays after he says that. Rich should be used to that fake laughing, because he'll be hearing alot of it, or at least until he runs out of his money.

As far as the sketch, it doesn't make sense, since Frost was hyped up last week. Frost is in the main event (and only match tonight). So why does she need to get signed or be with Rich if she's already in the main event and on Wrestlicious? Again, I don't think much is put into the wrestling side of things here.

We then see clips of what happened last week. After that, we go to clips of what happened earlier with Boot Camp Bailey, in case the ADD-infested crowd forgot what they saw 6 minutes ago.

Back to BCB's bitches or recruits, whatever you find more suitable to call them. This segment is really called "The Young & The Wrestlers." I understand this is supposed to be campy and lame, but damn it's also retarded. The three girls jump on a bed. I guess that is supposed to get male fans, or at least Steve B. from Wrestlicious happy. The three then run around the house some more. They find a jacuzzi. They then find a bar. Before they can get shitfaced, BCB comes into the picture and orders them to "ABOUT FACE" and march to the left. We are told this thrilling story will be continued. I hold my breath in excitement.

We then have a spotlight on Lacey Von Erich. It is basically Lacey Von Erich in a bikini for a minute, which ironically is her strong points in pro wrestling. They always say when booking, accentuates one's strengths and hide one's weaknessess, well Wrestlicious did that superbly here.

Video with Paige Webb (Serena Deeb). Webb is a webmaster. Get it, Webb, webmaster. Blah.

Someone sends a picture of their penis in an email to Webb. She is offended. If she wants to really be offended, she would've sit through the first 14 minutes of this show.

Autumn Frost (Jennifer Blake) d. Paige Webb (Serena from CM Punk's straightedge group in WWE)
This was a decent match, and easily the best match thus far in Wrestlicious's 2-show history.

The girls got 8 minutes or so here, and I believe the match wasn't really edited either. Both Frost & Webb, to me, are mid-carders on the women wrestling scene, but show a ton of potential. Major companies must think so too, as Serena has since gone on to the WWE & Frost is in AAA.

The commentator here is fucking awful, but I guess doing his job. The commentary really hurts the match because it is the same jokes over and over and over and over again. We get it, Frost is cold. We get it, Webb makes your floppy disc into a hard drive. The jokes are fucking awful. Even Carrot Top would say those jokes suck ass.

Frost is the heel here and most of the match works over Webb. Webb showed some fire in the latter stages of the match. Frost eventually wins the match after putting her feet on the ropes behind the refs back.

This is not a match worth going out of your way to see, but as far as a match with two solid women wrestlers who can put on an entertaining bout, this was that.

How said is this with 8 minutes of wrestling (and quality wrestling at that) in a 30 minute broadcast, Wrestlicious had more wrestling by the minute than TNA & WWE did with their 2 hours of television on Monday night. (WWE & TNA had about 16 minutes each in a 2 hour show.) Who ever thought Wrestlicious would put on more wrestling than the big 2 with their program? And I have to admit it was a good match, not some BS.

We then go to highlights of what is coming up in the next few weeks. For some reason Wrestlicious felt the need to showcase two dracula characters (Daffney & Roni Jonah's characters) plus a voodoo queen. (Lacey)

That concludes our show.

Final McWord
This was much better than last week. I hate the skits. Wrestlicious says they are supposed to be Hee-Haw, but Hee-Haw was over 20 years ago, just like how GLOW was over 20 years ago. They need to get with the times. I used to wear He-Man underwear 20+ years ago too, but I wouldn't slip back into them now. You have to evolve and move on, what worked years ago, won't work today. Just look at TNA's ratings this week. Nostalgia can only go so far before it becomes played out.

As far as Wrestlicious as a whole, I don't see it lasting long term. I mean already, the roster is being depleted, as many of the girls are under WWE or TNA contracts. Sure you can fill those holes, but by the time this season airs, you have invested into these characters, so now you kind of have to start over again with new faces.

I also don't see how this company can make money. No one is paying to see this at all. How do you make money? I don't see this company being able to execute a long-term plan.

Wrestlicious is not looking for hardcore fans as much as they are looking to be a good bar show, and do you know what, if that is the case, then Wrestlicious is executing there. I will say I was impressed with the quality of match they had on here tonight, but will this be the exception or norm. Plus sitting through 15 minutes of inane crap isn't necessarily worth it.

As far as a mindless thing, this week's episode was 1000x better than last week, although I don't see how anyone can shout from the rooftops and sing Wrestlicious's praises.

Overall
Not my stein of beer, but at least it wasn't last weeks show.

Sean "The MiC" McCaffrey
BULLSMC@aol.com

Wrestlicious Episode 1 Review: Click Here

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