The following column contains Adult material. Read at your own discretion
DOI Note: In an effort to bring more entertainment and more light hearted material to this site, we are proud to debut our latest feature "Piledrivin' Advice" by Jasmin St. Claire. Jasmin St. Claire will answer all questions, and will lend insight to anyone who wants it. This column is meant to be entertaining, and to give you something to laugh at while you're at work, school or home. This is the DOI's Maximish column, and we hope you enjoy it.
Hello, and I'm glad to be back with my DOI column here. Don't forget to send me all your questions at JasminStClaire@declarationofindependents.net
Let's get some specifications out of the way:
If you are a mature adult, seeking serious and heartfelt guidance in your quest to solve your emotional difficulties and you want immediate results to give yourself piece of mind and mature informed advice,
If you have serious emotional and/or physical problems and you are grasping for real and/or imaginative straws in a feeble attempt to resolve your dysfunctional & torturous love life,
If you are 18-60 years of age, and you function on the mentality of a 12 year old on your best day & you think life is a big joke & your love life consists of filling up condoms like water ballons & throwing them off a hi-rise in Manhattan,
I have decided to make this column more wrestling related as well. Send all your wrestling, sex and even heavy metal questions to me and I will answer them here.
Thank you for the feedback on my last column. Now I will answer a few questions I recieved this week!
THEN.....................THIS COLUMN IS NOT FOR YOU!
THEN........................................THIS COLUMN IS NOT FOR YOU!
THEN............................THIS COULMN IS DEFINITELY FOR YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Jasmin,
How do you suggest I get a girl over the age of 13 to have sex with me without laughing at the fact that I have a 2 inch penis? I mean size doesn't matter does it?
Rob Marco
Boston, Mass
Rob,
Your question was short and to the point, just like your dick. My advice to you is to develop your personality, get some hobbies and stop focusing on your short comings. In other words, get a life, loser! I hope you get raped in your tucchas!
Hugs and kisses,
Jasmin
xoxox
PS:Best heavy metal video: Breaking the Chains by Dokken.
Dear Jasmin,
Why do you like heavy metal and why do you always make heavy metal references in your column?
Thanks,
Joe Daniels
La Habra,CA
Dear Joe,
I have always loved heavy metal. Can't you tell tell that I have that edge that represents anger? I love the growling vocals & anger in metal. I can identify with it very well.
Got a problem with that?
Where the heck have you been? Heavy metal never died; there was just some crappy music that came along. Cool & eccentric people keep metal alive!
Keep on rockin!
Jasmin
PS:Go listen to 2112-Rush:the greatest drum solo ever
Hey Jasmin-
I was with this african american broad the other night and I hit it raw. Ever since I have bumps and rashes all over my member. I am scared to go get checked because last time I went to the clinic I was diagnosed with massive scabies. That was a bitch to cure. I just want to ignore this problem and continue jamming my johnson into everything. As a female would you be offended by a red rocket? I want to continue having unprotected sex with as much black women as possible without going broke curing my penile problem. I look like a new born puppy here. Good luck in Communication Breakdown.
Pavel Stoudsberg
Wayne, NJ
Hey Pavel,
In my professional opinion, you are suffering mental whip lash from your dick rash. The infection has spread to your brain and my advice is to take what is left of your dick and stick it in a lawn mower. Keep you "red rocket" in your pocket and nobody will get hurt. You are a pathetic excuse for a human being and if I ever meet you in person I am going to drop kick you so hard that you will be whistling dixie thru your asshole.
Hugs and kisses,
Jasmin
PS: Diver Down was one of the best Van Halen albums ever!
Dear Jasmin,
I run a very low end indy fed in Los Angeles and have stopped plenty of other promotions from running. I recently heard that you guys were trying to run the Grove in Anaheim then, in turn called the building owner and told them not to have you run a show here. I learned that the manager had told you that I was the one who banned you.
I have heard that you found another venue & wanted to know what venue that is so I can call there & prevent any competition
Thanks,
Ricky B
Los angeles,Ca
Dear Rick Assman,
You are a total loser. No wonder the WWE pulled the developmental deal from you. Competition is healthy. Your shows suck-so just deal with it & quit being a whiny bitch
Given what the Grove has told me, when 3PW debuts in LA & if we have any problems, I now know who 3PW will sue. I seriously doubt you have enough money to go to court, especially since you have a history of doing this to other feds.
Do yourself a favor & do what I do-mind your own damn business. Better yet, quit being a mark for yourself. How dare you try to take away a payday from the boys.
just for the record, I have Elizabeth (the Grove) on tape admitting that you are the one banning us from that venue
UPW sucks
Jasmin
Dear Jasmin,
Don't forget to send me all your questions at JasminStClaire@declarationofindependents.net
Jasmin St. Claire
For past JSC Piledrivin' Advice columns go to Archived Columns
Is it true that at one point you were dating some pro skateboarder and who was it?
Thanks,
Mark Gessner
Trenton, NJ
Hey Mark,
Do you think I kiss & tell?
xoxox,
Jasmin
PS; Judas Priest rocks hard!
Thanks for reading this week and thank you for the questions. I will answer any questions in my column and continue to give out advice here on the DOI!
JasminStClaire@declarationofindependents.net