The following column contains Adult material. Read at your own discretion

DOI Note: In an effort to bring more entertainment and more light hearted material to this site, we are proud to debut our latest feature "Get in Bed with JSC" by Jasmin St. Claire. Jasmin St. Claire does have a steamy past, and will lend insight to anyone who wants it. This column is meant to be entertaining, and to give you something to laugh at while you're at work, school or home. This is the DOI's antidepressant and Maximish column, and we hope you enjoy it.

Hello everyone! I will now be giving out Love Advice on the DOI! To have your letter printed email me at JasminStClaire@declarationofindependents.net
Let's get some specifications out of the way:

If you are a mature adult, seeking serious and heartfelt guidance in your quest to solve your emotional difficulties and you want immediate results to give yourself piece of mind and mature informed advice,
THEN.....................THIS COLUMN IS NOT FOR YOU!

If you have serious emotional and/or physical problems and you are grasping for real and/or imaginative straws in a feeble attempt to resolve your dysfunctional & torturous love life,
THEN........................................THIS COLUMN IS NOT FOR YOU!

If you are 18-60 years of age, and you function on the mentality of a 12 year old on your best day & you think life is a big joke & your love life consists of filling up condoms like water ballons & throwing them off a hi-rise in Manhattan,
THEN............................THIS COULMN IS DEFINITELY FOR YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

All of letters that I recieve will be true and/or based on true events. I will try to write a column as frequent as possible. With that said, here is my first letter and answer column! I recieved two emails. These emails were forwarded to me from the DOI main email. In the future, all emails should be forwarded to me at:
JasminStClaire@declarationofindependents.net

The following letters are UNEDITED

Dear Jasmin,

I think I really fucked up. I had this smoking hot babe laying in my bed next to me all weekend. She was wayyyyy the fuck out of my league!
We have been dating for the past 3 weeks and everything was going well till the other day.
You see, I was coked out of my brain all weekend so bad to the point where I could only bone this fine piece of ass once, I could barely fucntion.
I offered her some blow several times & she refused.
I was showing her photos of my ex girlfriend with my cock in her hand.
I fell asleep for like 10 hours straight & when I woke up, she was gone. She left to have a drink with her friend. When she returned, I was still too tired to fuck.
When she told me where in NY she lives, I made it a point of letting her know that if someone wanted to kill her, it would be easy to find her.
I also think I kinda pissed her off by telling her about another babe who I think is super hot!
Signed,
What Did I Do Wrong?
Justin Murphy
140 E 46th st
NY, Ny 10022

Dear What the Fuck Did I Do Wrong,
To start with: EVERYTHING -you clueless jackass!
In the future, if you ever meet a girl that you really do like & care about;
here is a mini list of things NOT to do:
1: Try to avoid showing a photo of your cock in your ex-girlfriend's hand.
2: Do not tell the woman that you like (when you find out where she lives) that if someone would want to kill her; it would be easy.
3: Coke adds life, but you have really taken it literally. Try to curtail that; make sure both people are on the same level; or it is like a big fuck you to the person you like & a big turn off. Kind of like telling them you don't want them around.
4: I know it is hard, no pun intended, but try to stay awake the next time you have a girl over. Even if you have to take a few No Doz pills,or a handful of Viagra.
5: If you realize you don't like the girl,maybe you should try being honest & tell her to her face,instead of being a passive aggressive piece of shit.
Believe me, honesty is the best policy.

I hope your dick falls off,
Jasmin St Claire
PS: Heavy Metal rules!!
x0x0x0

Dear Jasmin,
This is kind of embarrassing. I am a 22 year old dog walker from midtown manhattan. I have really awful problems that I am confiding to you knowing that your sensitive & caring advice will set my mind at ease. I trust you like my own mother.
I refuse to sleep with my boyfriend unless he can hook me up with the hottest female specimen on the face of the earth............ Nicole Bass.
She is dreamy and makes my panties wet-even when I am not wearing them. I told this stupid two time loser, who was married to an ex stripper for a million years that if he got Nicole Bass to sleep with me, I would fuck his sorry ass for the next 10 years-lol!
Amazingly, this jackass was able to hook me up with her. We actually met at a 3PW show. I was the short red headed skank in the wet t shirt contest on the Recipe for Disaster dvd(no, really-I was-no lie).
My problem now is that this asshole is pressuring me to sleep with him andI don't want to.
Girl Power Jasmin-please tell mw what to do!!
Laurie D.
East 28th Street
NYC

Dear Whorey Laurie,
I do remember you, as I am sure everyone else did since you entered a wet t shirt contest and did not inform us that you were allergic to water.
I don't know what gave you the impression that I would give you "heartfelt advice". You are an ungrateful skank and I think the best way you can show your appreciation to this guy is NOT to sleep with him for the next 10 years and save him years of taking anti-biotics and seeking doctors with fancy Indian names to cure whatever you have that you would have given to him.
Hugs & Kisses,
Jasmin St Claire
xoxoxox
PS: Iron Maiden is #1 !!!

I hope you loved my first column and first two letters!
To send me your love queries email me at
JasminStClaire@declarationofindependents.net
Every question will be answered. The more creative and true the better!
This was just a sample column, and I can't wait to answer more! ROCK OUT WITH YOUR COCK OUT!
Jasmin St Claire
xoxox
JasminStClaire@declarationofindependents.net
www.jasminstclaire.com
www.jasminsasylum.com
www.3pwrestling.com