State of the WWE
By Scott McCarthy
2/12/05
Welcome back! I hope you will all excuse my absence for the last couple of weeks, it started with a back injury and was continued by just having to much to do and not enough time to do it in. I enjoy writing up these reviews and I enjoy helping out DOI, everyone involved with this site cares about what they do. I have come to the conclusion that as much as I want to be able to do two timely reviews a week, that I would not be able to keep that up on a consistent basis, there are bound to be distractions and more pressing priorities that will come up. That is why I will be altering the format of the column to a more of a review of recent events, then a review of each and every event. I will try to do the column as much as possible; I don’t want to promise a set schedule because I do not want to disappoint myself. Well on with the show.
There have been a few hilarious segments in the WWE over the years, but NONE can touch what transpired at the Royal Rumble between Gene Snitsky and John Heidenreich, their gimmicks are almost as identical as their ability and the conversation between them backstage resulted in the funniest borderline homosexual conversation in recorded history (note. For all you over sensitive types, I’m not bashing homosexuals…I’ll leave that to a select few message board posters). There was just something scary, yet hilarious about these two massive psychopaths telling each other how much they like one another, while breathing heavy and add in Heidenreich’s confused look, with Snitsky’s psychotic smile, it was just a classic moment that for better or for worse will be etched in my mind for some time.
The Royal Rumble itself was one of the better WWE Pay per Views in some time, there was not a single match I hated. I even enjoyed the Undertaker vs. Heidenreich casket match, that had more botched spots and just outright bad wrestling then even the worst backyard fed. I actually predicted the ending, ALMOST. I figured both Batista and John Cena were in the middle of huge pushes and it would be fitting to have a controversial double elimination, that resulted in thm both getting title shots at Wrestlemania 21. Then out comes Vincent Kennedy McMahon, and the second funniest moment of the night when he falls on his ass and just sits there like a pouting child. The match is restarted and is ended in a somewhat disappointing fast manner. Batista is going to Wrestlemania! Batista vs. Triple H will be the main event, or will it?
The next night, Triple H is out in the ring hyping up Batista and just when Batista is about to tell Triple H what he thinks of him, a video of JBL from the previous night comes on. JBL goes on to bad mouth Batista. Triple H is so pissed off about who the mysterious perpetrator who played the video, that it makes it obvious that Triple H is indeed the culprit. This is a bad case of recycled storytelling, as this is very similar to Triple H’s search for Shawn Michaels mystery attacker. Fortunately, it works well with what they are trying to accomplish with Triple H desperately trying to convince Batista to go to Smackdown under the guise of Evolution dominating both brands, when in reality he feels he can’t defeat Batista.
Now lets talk about in my opinion, the most underrated and under appreciated Champion in recent history. I of course mean JBL, what he lacks in pure wrestling ability he more then makes up for in charisma. His promos remain some of the most entertaining in the entire company; I would even say he is on par with The Rock, Ric Flair & Hulk Hogan in the mic skills department. What is more entertaining then a drunk JBL muttering “I’m a wrestling god”, I know a drugged JBL having an argument with a giant inflatable Godzilla and making fun of Carlito’s hair. Then we move on to the big swerve, JBL is not really drugged and it was all just a set up to attack the big show, the writers deserve credit also, but it takes talent to pull it off. Who would have thought Justin Hawk Bradshaw would end up becoming one of the more memorable WWE Champions in history? In a related story, one of my favorite Cabinet members Amy Weber has left the WWE, after some incident in Japan that she apparently did not find humorous involving Strip club flyers, but at least her last on screen appearance helps explain her absence as she was the one holding the tranquilizer gun, when JBL was shot in the neck. That was a good way to explain it, until it was revealed that it was a set up, we shall see what they do with the situation.
The WWE’s recent promo videos for Pay Per Views that parody movies have all been great. The Royal Rumble “West Side Story” promo was brilliant. The Eugene and William Regal “Forrest Gump” parody was funny and entertaining, the Triple H & Ric Flair “Braveheart” video was even funnier and the most recent video starring Stacy Keibler, Chris Jericho, Chris Benoit and Christian in a parody of the famous interrogation scene from Basic Instinct was great, especially the ending with Mae Young and Fabulous Moolah, which was disgusting in the funniest of ways. This ties in to WWE Films announcement of “Stone Cold” Steve Austin signing a three picture deal, starting with a movie called “The Condemned” which in premise, sounds an awful lot like “The Running Man”. There is also “The Marine” staring John Cena (who is also rumored to be in line for a role in the next Predator movie) and a horror franchise staring Kane, the original title was “Eye Scream Man”, at least they changed that.
A few other things I want to mention are the fact that since the New year, I have not seen a single Rey Mysterio match that I have not been 100% impressed by, and his match with Kurt Angle last week was the best one yet. I certainly hope the WWE can bring in Super Crazy, and have him face off with Mysterio it would be an absolutely amazing match. I really like the decision to team Tajiri with William Regal, it keeps Regal in the “straight man” role of a comedic tag team while Eugene is recovering from injury. 24 has been distracting me from the 1st half of Raw and Smackdown has been solid since the start of the year. The ECW “One Night Stand” Pay Per View looks to be more and more of a reality as June approaches, with WWE purchasing the original ECW music library. The worrisome part is the fact that it looks like they want Heyman to have little to no involvement with the show, that would be an EPIC mistake. Paul Heyman is ECW, just as much as Vince McMahon is WWE. I find it hard to believe that this news would sit well with The Dudley Boys, Tommy Dreamer, RVD and Tazz or the ECW fans that they are attempting to target with the show. ECW remains the greatest independent fed ever, even years after it’s demise. ECW deserves better then that, and we deserve better then that. ECW is dead, long live ECW!
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