The Smart-Mark's Guide To The WWE
Smackdown Review 12/30/04
By Scott McCarthy
Welcome back, hopefully you all enjoyed reading my first review column just as much as I did writing it. Tonight is the last WWE Smackdown of 2004 , the past year has not been one of the better ones in the brands history. Once upon a time Smackdown was one of the most entertaining shows on television, wrestling or otherwise. There was some good that came out of Smackdown 2004, Bradshaw elevated his game and is slowly winning over at least a minority of his initial doubters. Rob Van Dam has finally been given a decent push, Paul London was making fast progress, until he suffered an injury & Paul Heyman for a short time was the head writer of the brand, only to be removed from the position. That despite increasing the interest of the program to its highest point in months. That in a nutshell seems to sum up Smackdown 2004 the best, for every positive step in the right direction, they seemed to take several steps back.
The show starts off with Theodore Long thanking the fans for supporting Smackdown all year long and as a thank you, they will be having the first annual "Night of Champions" ( I wonder if this is Vince McMahon's version of "Clash of the Champions")The premise is that every Champion on Smackdown will defend their titles against opponents of their choice. He says 2005 will be even better (I sure hope so!) then it goes to the opening music video.
The show starts out with John Cena (wearing the Archie Manning New Orleans Saints Throwback jersey), sporting that "Pimp My Belt" version of the U.S. Championship (with the spinning centerpiece) John Cena says that there are no John Cena fans, if you ride with him your in the "Chain Gang" he then goes into the crowd and goes into the upper section of the floor seats and gives his Throwback to a kid. The crowd gives him a huge pop (Cena is being wasted on Smackdown he needs to be on Raw). He makes his way back to the ring, then Rene Dupree comes out and challenges him, Cena wastes little time and goes all out and just beats the hell out of Dupree. He then puts on Duprees robe and does the you cant see me jester and then bounces off the ropes before mocking Dupree's "French Tickler" dance before dropping the five knuckle shuffle. Dupree goes outside the ring to catch his breath. After coming back inside the ring Cena misses a cross body block and Rene Dupree taunts Cena while he is down with the French tickler dance. John Cena gets back up and is on fire, Dupree fights back a little, but Cena pumps up his sneakers and hits the FU….ONE…TWO….THREE! Cena poses and spins the centerpiece of his title in the ring. This was a fun match to watch, the new aggressive Cena is really fun to watch, I will make my first prediction for 2005. John Cena will be WWE Champion by the end of the year, WORDLIFE!
Next we see Bradshaw and Amy Weber walking backstage, they come across Joy Giovanni and amy says she must of ate everything on the table and like 4 or 5 pounds of cookies. They bicker back and forth until Bradshaw tells her not to EVER talk to his image consultant like that again. Big show then steps between Joy and Bradshaw and Big Show says he better not talk to Joy like that ever again. Big Show says what is the matter trying to run? Bradshaw says he is not scared of anyone. Big Show says prove it, put the title on the line against him tonight. Bradshaw says he will think about it.
Next we have Kurt Angle and his "Kurt Angle Invitational" His opponent ends up being Matt Stryker, the last I knew Matt Stryker was not from New Orleans (I hope RoH eventually brings him back and puts him in the Embassy). Kurt Angle then goes on and on about how great of a Champion JBL is, and that the fight that everyone wants to see is Kurt Angle vs. JBL. Kurt busts Matt open with the mic and then beats the hell out of him, and puts him in the ankle lock and Stryker taps very quickly.
Next we see RVD & Rey Mysterio backstage, trying to figure out who they will put their titles on the line against, they talk about Reigns & Jindrak, The Bashams and Hardcore Holly and Charlie Hass and Moolah & Mae Young. Then Booker T & Eddie Guerrero come over and say JBL doesn't have the guts to let them have a shot at his WWE title, but that RVD & Rey are fighting champions and will think about letting them get a tag title shot. Eddie & Booker T get into it about if the team name should be WWE Tag Team Champions Booker T & Eddie Guerrero or WWE Tag Team Champions Eddie Guerrero & Booker T,they go to ask RVD & Mysterio who should get top billing, but RVD & Mysterio are long gone.
Backstage Daniel Puder arrives and looks cocky, he shakes hands with everyone and introduces himself to everyone. Hardcore Holly comes over and asks him who the hell he is? Puder says he won Tough Enough. Holly asks him if he thinks he is somebody special because he won a contest. Daniel says he trained for 8 weeks to get to the WWE. Holly looking more annoyed says everyone in he locker room trained a lot longer then that to get here and that it took him 11 years. Puder says he is sorry it took him so long, then he asks Holly if in that time he has ever main evented Wrestlemania? Daniel Puder says he already has his spot in the Royal Rumble and has his shot. Holly tells him he has a lot to learn and then leaves.
JBL is backstage at tells Teddy Long he likes his idea of "Champions Choice" and will pick his opponent randomly from a fish bowl. He picks a name and looks at it, he looks worried and goes to pick another name. Teddy long forces him to face the guy who he already picked. We go to commercial with Theodore Long looking very pleased with himself.
Smackdown returns from commericial, and we start off with JBL's white limo entering the arena. Bradshaw exits the limo along with Amy Weber & Orlando Jordan and they make their way to the ring. Bradshaw now has to hand over the paper with his opponent on it, he looks hesitant and worried about who his opponent will be. The ring announcer looks at the paper and announces that JBL will defend his WWE Title against Shannon Moore. As Shannon Moore is announced, JBL's look of dread turns to a pleased smile. Tazz states the obvious "We have been had". Bradshaw defeats Moore with ease within minutes. JBL & his cabinet are celebrating when Theodore Long's music hits and he comes out and demands to see the names in the fishbowl. Bradshaw goes on a rant about he is a fighting champion and that it could have been anyone. Teddy Long goes to take the bowl from Amy Weber and she starts backing away from him and holds the bowl behind her back, when Joy Giovanni comes down and grabs the bowl and hits Amy Weber over the head with it. Teddy picks up the pieces of paper and guess what, they all say Shannon Moore. Teddy announces that tonight was "Champions Choice", but he will choose JBL's opponent at the Royal Rumble. He announces that he will have to defend the WWE title against Kurt Angle! Angle makes his way down and he starts to put down JBL for picking on someone smaller then him, JBL responds by saying he is "stupid" because that is what Kurt does every week. They argue and Teddy says he was not finished, that at the Royal Rumble it will be a Triple Threat Match….JBL vs. Kurt Angle vs. The Big Show!
We next see Carlito backstage talking to Josh Matthews to announce his New Years Resolution involving Smackdown GM Theodore Long. He says Long has been unfair to him and JBL and that everyone in the back is afraid to stand up to The Boss, so he will stand up for them and his resolution for 2005 is to end Teddy Longs reign as GM. He then spits the apple at Matthews.
It's Heindenreich time, he comes out and talks about how he is not afraid of The Undertaker and that he cost Undertaker the title TWICE. That he has stared death in the face and survived. He then asks who thinks he has fear in his heart, and goes on to say he spared The Undertaker last week at Smackdown in Iraq. He then says he "fears no man living or dead". The lights go out and the blue tinted lights come on,and The Undertakers gong is heard. Heidenreich screams for Undertaker to show himself. Undertakers voice is heard saying "Your final resting place has been decided" and that will be at the Royal Rumble. Then the Druid music comes on and the Druids carry out a casket and place it at ringside. Heidenreich carefully makes his way over to the casket, then Undertaker rises from it, and Undertakers music comes back on. Heidenreich falls back and they stare each other down. This is believed to be Undertakers way of saying he has chosen to have a casket match at the Royal Rumble.
We come back and Josh Matthews is with Mark Jindrak and Luther Reigns and The Basham Brothers and Eddie Guerrero & Booker T and they are all fighting over who will face Rey Mysterio & RVD for the WWE Tag Team title.
Finally an actual match! Funaki has decided to defend his Cruiserweight Championship against "The Boss" Spike Dudley. Spike goes for a couple of quick pins, and gets only two counts. Spike then starts pushing Funakis ribs into the post, and then ramming his back into the outside part of the apron before rolling him back into the ring. Spike continues dominating the match and attacks Funaki in the corner and then Spike taunts the crowd, giving Funaki a chance to fight back. He hits a running bulldog on Spike and gets a two count and then a quick sunset flip and actually gets a THREE COUNT. Well I guess I should be thankful the match was over quickly.
They now air a highlight film of last weeks "Christmas in Iraq", put to Creed's "Higher" showing WWE Stars hanging out with the troops. Say what you want about the WWE, but what they do for our Armed Forces is really great and should be applauded. On a side note Rey Mysterio looks odd enough with his mask on, but what he has the mask on, and a military fatigues and helmet on top of that, he just looks downright weird.
We come back to see three Laurene, Rachel & Michele checking out John Cena. John makes a comment about one of the girls "pearl necklace". Then one asks while looking down at Johns waist if they could "see it" then another says can we "touch it" and finally one says "can we play with it" John says do whatever, and the camera pans down to see the new "pimped out" US Title and they play with it. Cena says being champ has it's perks! Your damn right John, your damn right!
Highlights from Raw are shown.
Now Matthews is talking to RVD & Mysterio and they say the only deserving tag team to face them is Dawn Marie & Torrie Wilson. They laugh and say seriously, the team they will face is Booker T & Eddie Guerrero. Well this match SHOULD be good.
Mysterio & RVD is making his way out to the ring as we come back from commercial and they await the arrival of their opponents Booker T & Eddie Guerrero (Who each do their own entrance) The match starts own with Eddie Guerrero vs. Rey Mysterio (well the show quality feels like Nitro, might as well make it look like Nitro) the match starts with the two teams feeling each other out and tagging out as soon as the other team gets an advantage. RVD gets a two count on Booker T after Booker missed a scissor kick and then another two count when RVD and Mysterio hit Booker T with the 420. Eddie breaks up the last pin attempt, Mysterio tags in and goes for a shoulder charge on Booker T in the corner, but Booker moves Mysterio goes shoulder first into the post, Booker hits a suplex, he tags in Eddie who leaps over the ropes crashing down on Rey, Guerrero puts Rey in an arm lock working his injured arm and shoulder, then he hits a back suplex and again into an arm lock. Rey fights to his feet and hits a DDT on Eddie. Mysterio makes the hot tag and hits a spin kick on Booker, but misses on Eddie. RVD manages to hit a rolling monkey flip and hits the 5 star, but only gets a two count due to Booker T breaking up the pin. Booker and Eddie tag in and out several times working on RVD. Eddie hits 3 straight suplexes and gets a one count. Booker tags in and puts RVD in a rear naked choke. RVD battles up to a vertical base, but Booker T knocks him back down and hits the bookend, a two count due to Mysterio breaking up the pin. RVD tries to make it to Mysterio but Booker pulls him back by his ponytail, Booker T chops RVD in the chest and attempts to ram RVD's head into the top turnbuckle but RVD gets a foot up and blocks it, a quick kick to the face and booth RVD & Booker T are down. RVD crawls to his corner,while Booker Crawls to his. Booker T makes the tag a second or two before RVD but they both make the hot tag. Eddie comes running across the ring, Mysterio spingboards over the top rope and comes down on Eddies chest in a sitting position he quickly follows up with right hands to Eddies face, then he tries to whip Guerrero into the ropes only to have Eddie reverse it and throw him into the ropes, Mysterio coming back off the ropes at Eddie, Guerrero swings for a clothesline but misses. Rey continues to the ropes and flips off the second rope, but Eddie catches him,Mysterio somehow turns it into an arm drag takedown. Booker T comes in and gets hit with a spinning kick by Mysterio, followed by a top rope Hurricanranna. Booker T breaks up the pin at two, Rob Van Dam comes in and goes after Booker T and gets him in the corner, Mystero sends Eddie to the outside and Booker throws RVD to the outside. Mysterio is getting up, Booker T attempts a scissor kick that Mysterio ducks, and instead Booker T hits referee Nick Patrick with it. Mysterio dropkicks Booker T from behind and he falls chest first across the second rope, setting up for the 619, Mysterio hits the spinning kick through the ropes but when he goes to leap over the ropes from the outside to hit the pin, but Eddie knocks him down from the ropes before he can connect with the leaping pin. Booker T kicks Rey in the gut and then comes off the rope with a scissor kick to the back of Mysterio's head. Rob Van Dam and Eddie Guerrero make their way back inside the ring, Rob Van Dam takes Booker T down with a spin kick, meanwhile Eddie has Mysterio covered, but the ref is still out and RVD hits Booker with a leg scissor take down, that sends both of them outside the ring. At this point Eddie looks outside the ring at the Tag Team titles, he looks like he is about to Lie, Cheat & Steal his way to a win, but he seems to have second thoughts about doing that to Mysterio, he changes his mind about four times before deciding to do it. He grabs one belt and places it on Mysterio's chest and then lays down as if he was hit with the belt (which makes no sense,since if RVD & Mysterio get a DQ, they may lose but they keep the titles) Rey is getting up just as Nick Patrick is, Nick notices Eddie down and Rey with the belt, Nick looks like he is about to DQ Rey, but Rey is trying to tell him what happened, Eddie sits up behind the ref's back and smiles and waves at Mysterio and lays back down just before Nick Patrick turns around to check out Mysterio's claims. Eddie looks out cold, and Rey and Nick argue some more. Eddie sits up and taunts Rey again, but this time he gets caught by the ref before he can lay back down. Eddie after getting caught in a desperate try lays back down (which was funny since Nick was looking right at him). Eddie gets back up and argues with Nick, Mysterio goes to the top rope and comes down and gets Eddie in a roll through and the three count. Eddie then physically goes through the actions of what happened, in an attempt to explain to Booker T why they lost. Rey Mysterio & Eddie Guerrero smile at each other, knowing Eddie's Lying, Cheating & Stealing ways had finally backfired on him. As Smackdown is going off the air Michael Cole tells us "We will see you in 2005!"
The show was viewable, and it had some entertaining spots that made it a decent show. Then again, besides the main event & John Cena spots. There was very little I enjoyed. I hope in the new year WWE takes the steps it needs to improve Smackdown. The fact that both Heat & Velocity are more enjoyable to watch, should tell you the state of the brand. I think the only thing that may be able to help the show is either a new roster draft or bring an end to the brand split all together. Then again, the problems may not be the talent, because there is plenty of it on the Smackdown roster, the talent is only as good as the shows storylines & booking. The writing on Smackdown has been sub-par for awhile, with the exception of the brief time period that Paul Heyman was allowed to have input on the creative side.
To keep things in perspective while we as wrestling fans complain about the quality of the product and we like to play "Monday Morning Quarterback" or in the case of wrestling fans "Tuesday Morning Booker" keep in mind that everyone in the business is there because they love it, they put their health on the line to entertain us the wrestling fan and even if we don't like what they do, we all need to appreciate what they do for us. Also, since this is going to be the last column for 2004 (Hey, I know it's only my second) I want to send my heartfelt best wishes to everyone in the armed forces and their loved ones this holiday season and let's hope you all get to come home in 2005, so you can watch WWE from the comfort of your homes. You guys and gals deserve it!
I also want to wish a Happy New Year to Mike Zevon (Screw Randy Johnson LOL!), Johnny 5, LC and the rest of the DOI staff, thanks for having me aboard and lets make 2005 the best year yet & to whoever reads my ramblings, you all go out and bring in the new year in style, I know I am going to! A Special Happy new year to "Kitti" Also to the rest of the guys and girl that I usually go to Indy shows with (Mike, Carmine, Chris, Mimi (Hey, your boy Aries won!) and the rest of the regulars, Happy New Year guys (and gal) Hope we can have as much fun in 2005 as we did in 2004, you guys make a good show a great show You all party hard and see you back here next year! I am kicking around a few ideas in my head to make these recaps more entertaining, so next year expect some new things other then just a match by match description Until next year, Thanks for reading.