EBW TAPE REVIEW

What’s up everyone, and welcome to a unique McReview. Today I watched the first episode I received of EBW’s new product. EBW is a backyard fed out of Baldwin, NY, and you can check them out at www.ebwhardcore.com EBW is a different sort of backyard fed, as they started off with 100% shit, as it was only hardcore matches, but as time went on, they got a ring, and put some self-trained wrestlers in there. The product definitely improved from the last time I saw it, but it’s not your regular indy fed. I got this tape from EBW Ref and DOI reader Jimmy James. Jimmy James gave me a few episodes, so here’s my review on Episode 1.

We start off with a shot of EBW’s set up, and hey, good for EBW, as they even have a EBW ramp. But hey you guys, mow the fucking lawn, 12 inch grass is a fire hazard.

Show starts off with a bunch of champions in the ring. There’s some wrestlers and a microphone but all it translates to is an inaudible promo. Bad angle to start off a show. No emotion in the promos. Jon the owner. Mikey, Tav, Justin Sane, Franchise, and Stammel are all a part of this atrocity. This is horrible. I watched this, and in retrospect, I should have fast forwarded. This is 10 minutes long.

We cut to Franchise, Chris Sweeny and someone else. This sucks dude. They are talking about a PPV event. No indy promotion uses the word PPV, unless you count TNA. Pay per view? Come on! Sweeny said the same thing 19 times in 19 different ways.

First Match after 15 minutes of rambling

Slice vs Double D

Your ref is Jimmy James. Double D can actually run the ropes, but Jimmy James can’t run around the ring, as the ref gets blown up. Slice would benefit with training, charisma, talent and some other qualities. This match is getting worse as it progresses. Double D doesn’t look half bad, and might be able to do something with proper training. He hits a nice vertical 20 second suplex. Hey, he just put the wrestling in backyard wrestling. Jimmy James looks like he’s carrying triplets in that tight ref shirt. Your commentators suck. Seriously, the wrestling looks like Angle/Benoit compared to the commentators performance. Ok maybe that’s an exaggeration. Slice doesn’t belong eating a ring pop, never mind eating canvas in a wrestling ring. Hey this match is really bad, so to get some personal things out of the way, this is for Kevin Matthews: “Where’s my SSCW tape you wascally wabbit!” LOL they botch the finish. The ref says “Did he tap?” as the bell already rung. Double D wins because his music plays for no apparent reason at all, as he had Slice in a submission move. Wow, not a good match to put on a best of tape. At least the ring and set-up look good.

Jesus another promo with more belts. How many fucking belts does an indy fed have? It looks like some backyard promoter went nuts on highspots.com. They are talking about something pointless. This promo is a great time to mention that my interview with Simon Diamond will be on sale now. Hopefully these guys watch it, as Simon Diamond is the master of cutting promos.

EBW US Championship

The Franchise (Not Shane Douglas, the other one that you’re probably familiar with. LoL n-word please) vs The Fallen Angel (LOL double n-word please) Chris Sweeny

The match must’ve sucked because they cut to a promo and some guy drinking soda instead of on the match. You know the match is going on as you here the banging. Great way to put some wrestlers over. Jimmy James is the Sean Hanson of EBW, as he refs every match. Jimmy James looks like a Zebra that could use a few weeks in weight watchers. That shirt is too tight dude. Sweeny has converse sneakers on, so that’s a positive I guess. Franchise has tights on, so at least he is trying to take this seriously. The commentators say they both suck, at least they are honest. Seriously, they couldn’t do an atomic drop right. Franchise is getting better as the match goes on. Seriously, the commentators need to be shot with Starbucks coffee in their veins cause they are mad tired. Franchise wins after a 2 count pin. Only in EBW! Double D attacks Franchise as he will contend for Franchise’s EBW US Championship at a show to come.

Fuck how long is this tape?

EBW Tag Title Match

Corporate Corruption- Justin Sane/Bret Matthews w/Jon E v. Vengeance/Vescia Hey Corporate Corruption actually look like wrestlers, and even are wearing the same tights. Yea the names fucking suck. How about Justin Case I learn how to wrestle or 2 Cocky Bret Matthews. They are the tag champs. They do make me eat my words though, as they look pretty good in this match. Wow call me impressed, Corporate Corruption looks good and actually wrestle! Have they been trained before, because they look like they have. The other team is watchable too. Hell Corporate Corruption, even does the 1-2 lock-up, they are the high spots of this tape so far. Ted Vengeance and Vescia don’t look so hot, but Corporate Corruption are actually making them look pretty good. C.C. has some great tag team sequences and look pretty solid. Seriously. In this match, Jimmy James looks like a striped Panda who just finished eating all of its eucalyptus leaves. Wow Vengeance does the rolling german Benoit move, and hell, it looked good. Corporate Corruption are really impressing me. Sweet “Belly Button” Music by Vesica. I think he was trying for the head tho. Some solid mat wrestling here, easily the best match on the show. And a baseball slide too, easily makes this the best backyard match I’ve ever seen. Some great aerial work by Vescia. This match has hit the 20 minute mark. WOW a corkscrew ddt by Vescia. Justin Sane takes a clothesline the Rikishi way. Lots of 2 counts. Jerry Daponte runs in and hits a Test Superkick on Justin Sane. That sucked. Vescia hits a 450 splash for the pin. Very excellent match until the finish. The “promoter” should be ashamed of himself for shitting on a 20 minute great wrestling match with this finish. Go use corny finishes in your shitty matches, not with the best wrestlers on the show. We got new tag champs, and another corny angle and promo to follow. Brett Mathews ditches his partner and walks away cause he’s mad Justin Sane took the pin.

For the EBW World Title

Stammel v Taz… er Tav

No way this match will be able to follow up the last one. Who comes up with these names? For your Jimmy James amusement, he looks like he was just candy caned by Papadon. These guys can run the ropes, so kudos to them. The commentators have yet to add anything positive or informative to the fan watching. Big WWE style spinebuster by Tav. I wonder if Taz taught him? Probably not, but I’m running out of good things to say. Stammel looks like a starving Mozart. Stammel hits a disgusting version of the X-Pac spinning heel kick. IT looks like a break dance move or something. LOL Tav got thrown through the ropes and it looked like he got his ass kicked by the ropes, Slingblade Carl style. Big spot on the HARD UNFORGIVING GRASS OF DOOM! Jimmy James should get trained to be a referee by either NYWC or USA Pro Training Center, as he is watching the match, and being told to actually count pinfalls at some points. Bad ass belt shot by Jon E. This is fucking horrible. Stammel pins Tav after the belt shot interference by Jon. This is the 5th appearance of the promoter Jon E in this show already. Calm down there, Mr. Vince Russo’s number 1 fan. Match was hideous and so was the post match beat down.

Your show ends with Jon E leaving the EBW “arena” Good to see you again Jon, we only saw you 6 times in the hour show!

Final McWord
If you’re into backyard wrestling, this is for you, as it is just backyard wrestling. There are no lightbulbs and aids needles in some weird sick hardcore match. I tried to be as positive as I can, but I think I see so much great wrestling these days, that this was more embarrassing then anything else. Jimmy was telling me that EBW was thinking of going independent. Probably not the best idea at this point in time, as the only thing that will go independent is the commission all over EBW’s ass. I was really impressed with that tag team match, but everything else was unwatchable, but hey that’s just my opinion, so if you want to check them out, go to ebwhardcore.com

Sean “The MiC” McCaffrey
Email The MiC
BULLSMC@aol.com