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DOI Note: The following is a review of a Porno featuring two ex-WWF wrestlers. If you're under the age of 18, it
would be wise to click back and not be scarred for life.
ONE NIGHT IN CHYNA
What's up everyone and welcome to another McTape/DVD review here on the DOI. This time, I had the "privilege" of watching
the Chyna (Joanie Laurer) and X-Pac (Sean Waltman) sex tape. Usually such a review wouldn't be on the DOI, but since I have
had alot of people asking me if I saw it, I figure this review will answer everyone's questions.
The DVD is about 58 minutes long. There are several versions of it floating on the internet for free, but if you buy the DVD
from stores or online, you also get a bonus DVD, featuring other pieces of work from Red Light Video, who is the official
distributer of this DVD/mess.
Like some porno movies, that try to pass themselves off as "films", the DVD starts off with X-Pac roaming around the streets
of China. This would be the common theme in this DVD. Have some sex, then walk around China for 5 minutes. I'd say there's
about 40 minutes of actual sexual activity, and 20 minutes of X-Pac walking around the streets of China aimlessly. I guess
they needed footage of X-Pac walking around China to make this DVD a full hour. Couldn't they use that 20 minutes for
something else? It would be cool to watch the footage, then just like on some wrestling DVD's, X-Pac could give you the
play-by-play of what he was doing, and what he was aiming for while watching the footage. Play-by-Play pornos, I'm telling
you it will be a hot seller.
As far as the actual acts of love, you get it all. That's right, you get to see Oral, Anal and straight up Vaginal sex.
Watching X-Pac give Chyna oral sex is a disturbing sight, especially because her gimmick looks like it has been destroyed
from either steroid or supplement abuse. She even has a little baby gimmick, which is just freaky. I don't know
if watching this
constitutes as watching gay porno, but it certainly feels like it. I had to take a shower after watching this just to get
the filth off of mind.
After watching these two former champions service each other orally, (Where neither DX member told the other
to "Suck It"), we watch X-Pac pound Chyna's ass like a cheap piece of roast beef. This was another sight that could scar
anyone's life. Watching X-Pac wiggle his meat around the cavernous pooper of Chyna is disturbing, to say the least. At least
Chyna wasn't ramming her 2 inch baby wang into X-Pac. That would be seriously fucked up.
After watching these two ruin oral and anal sex, we watch X-Pac flip Chyna's legs over her head, and after finding the
correct hole, X-Pac shows us the beauty of human reproduction by ramming Chyna at 200 miles per hour. Chyna doesn't even
make any sounds during any of these activities, while X-Pac is huffing and puffing like a fat man in a crowded elevator.
After watching some more butt-sex, we go to X-Pac walking around the streets of China, pondering to himself, "Where the
fuck did I go wrong?" This concludes our tape.
Final McWord
This will ruin porno for you, especially if you have never seen porno before. Watching this DVD is like watching a
car accident, you just can't take your eyes off of it. Of course the only reason I watched it is because I followed both
of their wrestling careers, so I figured I'd watch these two go to town on each other. It is recommended you don't eat
before watching this, especially the scene where X-Pac sucks on Chyna's baby schlong.
On the bright side, this DVD is only an hour long. I don't really see people getting off on it, as this DVD is more suited
for the curiousity factor. They do say that curiousity killed the cat, but the only thing curiousity will kill here is
your arousal.
The DVD feels very "B-Rated". It comes off as B list movie, because of the horrible production and sleaziness in it all.
Overall-
The only reason to watch this is for the "trainwreck" factor. It is interesting for what it is, and it's nothing like
seeing two people who were on the top of the world go at it like animals.
As far as recommending it, if you like sick shit, this is up your alley. You know what you're getting with this DVD.
The bonus DVD that comes with it, is definitely more satisfying than this feature film.
The DVD is available all over the place. The cheapest spot I saw it online came from RF Video. You can pick it up there
by going to: Chyna/Xpac Sex Tape
This DVD will make the perfect holiday gift for any sick pervert on your holiday shopping list.
Happy Holidays.
Sean "The MiC" McCaffrey
BULLSMC@aol.com
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