"Turn the Page" by Bob Seger from "Back in '72"
On a long and lonesome highway, east of omaha.
You can listen to the engine moaning out it’s one lone song
You can think about woman, or the girl you knew the night before,
But your thoughts will soon be wandering, the way they always do.
When your riding sixteen hours and there’s nothing much to do
And you don’t feel much like riding, you just wish the trip was through.
Say, here I am, on the road again. there I am, up on the stage.
Here I go, playing star again.
There I go, turn the page.
Well you walk into a restaurant, strung out from the road,
You can feel the eyes upon you as your shaking off the cold
You pretend it doesn’t bother you, but you just want to explode.
Most times you can’t hear em talk, other times you can.
Oh the same old cliche, as that woman on her a man
You always see my number, you don’t dare make a stand.
Here I am, on the road again. there I am, up on the stage.
Here I go, playing star again.
There I go, turn the page.
Out there in the spotlight your a million miles away,
Every ounce of energy, you try and give away,
As the sweat pours out your body like the music that you play.
Later in the evening as you lie awake in bed,
With the echo from the amplifiers ringing in your head,
You smoke the days last cigarette, remembering what she said.
Now here I am, on the road again. there I am, up on the stage.
Here I go, playing star again.
There I go, turn the page.
Here I am, on the road again. there I am, up on the stage.
Ah here I go, playing star again.
There I go, there I go.

Thank you Dexter Penis for contributing these lyrics for this episode of The McRoss Report. Everyone feel free to thank Dexter for these lyrics and email him pornography at DexterWeiner@aol.com

What up y'all and welcome to the New Year's Edition of The McRoss Report. I am starting this at 2 AM, after playing a friendly game of drown the liver down at Fibber McGees, so it will be interesting to see how much of this shit makes sense on Saturday, when I'm sober. Don't worry I shall spell check it at least. Well let's get to this as I will be discussing a shitload of topics and will jam more news/opinions and all that fine crap than any other column.

Greetings from the man underneath the 10 Gallon Heineken Bottle. That's right, I found a 10 gallon bottle instead of my usual 5.
\m/ Wordlife \m/

First off, a big story circulating around the INDY WATERCOOLERS is the 3PW/Balls Mahoney story. I was supposed to have a Balls Mahoney interview up discussing this, but something came up. As soon as Balls gets time, look for the scoop here. Balls said for now, the only thing I can say in this little drunken mish-mosh of a column, is that this was the most disrespectful thing to ever happen to him in the wrestling business. This story is important, and Balls has a message for every indy wrestler, no matter what level you're on. It's also a message for every promoter too. When I get the call, I'll put up the full story and Balls's comments. You don't want to miss this.

While on the topic of Balls, I hate when you're pissing at a bar, and trying to finish up so you can continue you drinking, that you zip up so fast that you get your balls stuck in the zipper, "Something About Mary" style. This happened to me the other day, and pretty much it sucked. So fellas, watch for your balls when zippering.
The preceding message was paid for "Drunks who like their balls foundation." The "Drunks who like their balls foundation" is a non-profit organization, and accepts donations at BULLSMC@aol.com

Ref Garry wanted me to remind everyone that Ref Hanson fears Ref Garry.
In unrelated news, Joel Grayson hates Ref Garry now.

Congratulations to Devin Sturgis, Sean Lei and Dirty Money aka "The Untouchable Kliq" who will be appearing at NWA TNA this Wednesday. Here's to hoping everything goes well, and here's to hoping that the Nashville fans won't have to see Devin in a thong.

In NFL news, Steve Spurrier has quit the Washington Redskins. After calling a few of my sources in the NFL, I have found out that Spurrier quit because he met Marc Adler. Marc was wearing his smelly Redskins jersey at the time, and Spurrier thought the jersey was cursed and realized that the Fun N' Gun offense would never work due to the curse. Daniel Snyder has threatened legal action and is prepared to sue Marc Adler for the jersey. When asked what would he do with the jersey, if he won the case, Snyder said, "Wash it for the first time, and give it back." No comment could be reached from Marc Adler.

Mike Trash knows who Balls Mahoney is. So does Luscious Lily's forehead!

Uh-oh, I feel it coming. No it's not the feeling of a future puke. No it's not the feeling of a number 2. It's much worse. It's the Mike Zevon interruption!

Hey its me, Zevon and I aint taking no shorts unless its coming from a midget! I would like to interupt this edition of the McRoss Report with the following "This makes me sick list"

1. It makes me sick when someone pretends to be cool with me but trashes me behind my back.

2. It makes me sick that Andy Pettitte left the Yankees but he will now go 12-10 with a 5.21 ERA in Houston. While the Yankees win their 27th World Title.

3. It makes me sick that there is so much heat and jealousy in the wrestling business. And not just with wrestlers, but with EVERYONE!

4. It makes me sick that the powers that be in the wrestling business ARE the powers that be.

5. It makes me sick that Chad Pennington missed the beginning of the season forcing that cancer Vinny Testeverde on us all.

6. It makes me sick that the Elks Lodge is no longer hosting wrestling shows.

7. It makes me sick that there is no Indy wrestling on TV in Queens. But that is going to change in a major way in 2004 if the D.O.I. have any say in it.

8. It makes me sick that 2003 had so much wasted time arguing with other people who follow and enjoy wrestling. I have better things to do then waste my time.

9. It makes me sick when I leave Marc Adlers crib and I smell like Marc Adlers crib.

10. It makes me sick when I say something about a show I watched and I am questioned about my opinion as if my opinion is NOT my opinion!

11. It makes me sick that the NYS Athletic Commission exists.

12. It makes me sick that my super accused me of cooking and smoking crack in my old apartment. When it was only weed the entire time.

13. It makes me sick the way that SSCW is run by Carmine Sabia and something BiG TiMe needs to happen at his next show on January 31st 2004! And something BiG TiMe will indeed go down.

14. It makes me sick when bleeding heart liberals cry about the way our great President has handled our world since 9/11/01.

15. It makes me sick when I cant find my guy to re-up!

To all you fools and playa haters out there, go get a check up from the neck up. To the rest of the party people and "Get Fresh Crew" I wish you and your families a very Happy New Year!

Now back to your regular scheduled McRoss Report!

Thank you Zevon. No wonder you don't go to that many shows, you're always sick!

I'd now like to talk about what's been a hot topic. That is Johnny "Bison" Bravado and his future in USA Pro Wrestling. To alot of wrestling fans, Bison is viewed at as either
a. A Ticket Seller
b. The Guy that bleeds and loses to Louie all the time
c. The guy who gives blowjobs at the Queens Center Mall

Honestly, a, b and c are all false. Bison, in USA Pro Wrestling only, is stuck wrestling ticket sellers and hasn't had a chance to show what he's got despite being there for a year. Granted he's been allowed to bleed alot and have good matches with Low Life Louie, but in the end Low Life Louie gets the respect and the love, which Louie rightfully deserves, while Bravado is looked at as the weaker wrestler.

Bison has had a chance in such promotions as WXW, XBoku and ROH to show his wrestling craft, as opposed to his hardcore wrestling, and is looking to show off his skills in front of the huge hometown USA PRO NY crowd. I know Bison will be back in WXW, ROH and will be given a chance in SSCW to wrestle. Well recently on the USA Pro Message board, someone started a thread asking for Bravado to be given a shot against The Sandman. I saw the post, and said, hey that would be great for that big chinese man. So I put up 3 posts saying I'd like to see it too.
All of a sudden, Bravado is calling me, and I see Frank Goodman complaining that it's 2 of Bravado's friends trying to hurt him and it's only 2 people asking for the match. Well that is false, because I know one other person who posted saying they'd like to see the match, and neither him or I, posted the first post, so it's at least 3 people baby! To make matters worse, it was suggested to Bravado that I was posting the majority of it, despite being on a 3 day roadtrip with Bravado, who knows I didn't have computer access.
USA PRO Staff have told Bravado to tell his friends to stop posting for Bravado to wrestle the Sandman, because it won't happen. I guess the fans, and yea, I'm a USA Pro fan as well, can't suggest matches they'd like to see. Sandman vs any of the old ECW guys in USA Pro has been done to death already. Sandman vs Sabu, Sandman vs Raven, Sandman vs Balls, are all repetitive matches that all the USA Pro fans have seen before, in USA Pro as well as ECW. I thought Bravado vs Sandman would be a good match, and innovative. From what I've learned and seen, it's always great business to have the established stars give the younger and up and coming guys a rub. I mean Jac Sabboth had Abdullah The Butcher go over on Louie back in July. No one was complaining about Louie as the opponent. While Louie didn't get the win, he did earn alot of respect and credibility from wrestling fans. It was also one of the first times that Louie worked a big name like that, and this match led to matches with Terry Funk and Balls Mahoney. If Bravado wrestled The Sandman, in front of 900 people, (The avg USA Pro attendance, give or take) I'm sure a new superstar would be brought out and it would be another star that USA Pro could take credit for. (Boogie Knights, Mike Kruel and others would be other stars USA PRO molded)
I know that USA Pro is afraid that The Sandman might not want to do it, but honestly, people are going to go to USA Pro no matter what. They will draw their huge crowd, and taking a shot on Bravado won't turn off USA Pro fans. After all, the majority of fans go nuts for the Sandman character and entrance, than his wrestling. Sandman could squash Bravado and the crowd would love it. If Bravado and Sandman wrestled hard, with Sandman eventually winning, both guys would get respect, in my opinion.
So pretty much, to the USA Pro staff, don't take out anything on Bravado. Don't threaten to fire him. You don't see anyone else being threatened to be fired if fans suggest matches. And let's be honest, most of the match suggestions come from USA Pro staff, cough Blade cough.

In closing this subject, I urge anyone who think Bravado vs Sandman would be good and a fresh idea, to post on the USA pro and DOI message boards. Post under your real name or a fake name. Let USA Pro staff know if you want to see it. If you think I'm off my rocker, feel free to post that you don't want to see it as well. I think that was one of the things that pissed off USA Pro, that Goodman was being blamed for the anti-Bravado posts. It's not true, as he, along with The Masked Maniac were in Florida for the past few weeks. I heard that the Masked Maniac was teaching Hulk Hogan how to wrestle and was cooking the worlds largest hot dog for the next show.
To USA Pro- my intention on writing this is to show you my reasoning on why I think Bravado/Sandman would be good for USA Pro.
To Bravado- No, you can't eat my cat, and prove me right this year!
In the end, at least Bravado is getting some talk and buzz about him, in USA Pro. It can only be positive for him.

Ugh, another column mentioning the message boards lol.

Speaking of underrated wrestlers, another guy who alot of fans are rallying for is Slyk Wagner Brown in ROH. Slyk has been stuck in showcase matches in ROH and hasn't really had a chance to go toe to toe with a wrestler on his level or higher than his level. Since the DOI focuses on the north east independents primarily, I have seen alot of Slyks matches. Let me tell you, he is ready to be on the main show of ROH, and is capable of putting on blowaway matches with such guys as Chris Daniels, CM Punk, Homicide and other guys on that tier. ROH is a promotion that values fan input. I saw a few threads on the ROH board with people asking for Slyk to be given a shot. I agree with those people, and I think Slyk can be very valuable to the ROH roster. I know that Slyk will tear down the house on 1/9, with Dan Maff. Make us proud Slyk.

I know alot of message board fans read this column so that is why I'm mentioning these two scenarios. Most promoters and staff read the message boards. They want to see what the fans want. I know for SSCW, that I changed one of my decisions based on what the fans want. After all, the fans are paying money to see these wrestlers and the fans are the bloodline of any wrestling promotion. Without fans, promotions turn into memories. So feel free to voice up on any message board or public forum and let promoters know what you want to see.
Also feel free to post on the DOI board too and let us know what you'd like to see on the site.

Moving on... here come the one sentencers:

Slash from LXW can party with The MiC anytime, and I challenge you to a Magners Cider drinking contest. Loser is the first to fall off the bar seat!

Beware the Crippler Crossface!

Where are all my candy caners at?

EC Negro needs to stop rigging DOI Outrageous awards!

If Reefer brought the out of the ring Reefer to the ring, he'd be the most entertaining person in wrestling.

Some people take partying like Andre The Giant too seriously lol

Look for new DOI gossip soon, featuring the new WWE Show, Sunday Night Ricky O!

Speaking of Ricky O, he manned up to me and cleared the air. I know alot of people were asking me and him about what is going on in the Ricky O/MiC saga. Pretty much to make a long story short, both of us are very passionate in our decisions and beliefs which forces us to butt heads alot. While I don't agree with everything Ricky does, and he probably don't agree with everything I do, we both respect each other, and in the end just want to help independent wrestling. I think Ricky does need to sew up a few loose ends and get a few situations handled, and I think JCW can start drawing the crowds that they deserve. I do think it's fucked up that someone would threaten his family and put that in jeopardy, so I can understand why he's been pissed recently, in his defense, but that will end, because those things will be removed from the DOI board.
However, Bob C from JCW, wishes to air out his grievances about the situation. Bob assured me it wouldn't be any personal family shit, and just business decisions, so look for his side of the JCW story up soon. Personally, I wish Ricky and Bob can get along, as JCW enjoyed a good period with Ricky and Bob manning the ship. I'd like to see Ricky also get along with his former JCW employees as well, as it only will benefit both sides. Too much politics suck and gets your mind off the original goal, which is to promote wrestling, which is why I'm glad everything with Ricky and myself is deaded. Here's to hoping that those bridges get rebuilt, and everyone knows that anything is possible in wrestling.

2004... BEAT THE HEAT.

Robert Payes is definitely the most dirtiest old man in the world! Definitely one of the better people that follows indy wrestling today.

Dana Dameson. Those two words make most people angry these days. Pretty much alot of people didn't like that the DOI gave her a forum. Her columns do get alot of reads and hits, and gets people talking about the DOI, but not for the right reasons. I think Dana is very emotional and is learning. I think her columns have been toned down since she first started, and the BWO thing probably shouldn't have been mentioned, but I will give her respect for being honest and believing in her convictions. You don't see that too often. She has made a name for herself in a short amount of time, and I know she will turn it around, and is just going through some speed bumps. Her car did also, it can't even go in reverse lol.

I also got word, that over in NYWC, they are gonna give Armand DeMuerto a push...
Right off a moving train. More on that as it develops. Thanks for the info Jimmy James!

Don't fuck with Rico.

Ray Sager and Fat Frank should have their own TV show. Everytime I hang out with these guys I always get a funny story, such as Ray ingesting as much pudding as he can with a straw. As much as I like them, I feel very bad for their toilets with all the shit they eat lol.

There is a rumor out there that Deranged is contemplating quitting. I personally don't want to see this happen. Feel free to make your voice heard on the DOI board, and let Deranged know that you want to see him stealing shows all over the fucking place.

To everyone that took pictures with me for the DOI this weekend- none of them fucking came out. That fucking dirty MA viper looking Arab bitch fucked up the whole camera. Not one picture. Muta and Maff holding the DOI. Shocker with a DOI. 1/2 the Award Winners with their awards that were handed out. All gone to waste because of this Arabian slut. Anyone who knows how I can plant anthrax on her and call the FBI on her, let me know.

Check the DOI main page for Joel's column on the Muta experience. Great read.

I'd also like to take time shout out Dyami. I never mention this motherfucker, and he always makes me laugh and is always great to chill with. I still own your ass in All Star baseball tho!

Danny Demanto is moving to Rhode Island. You can check his letter on the main page. Honestly, Demanto is not the best wrestler, nor on the level of a main event indy guy. But he does have the most heart. He cares about wrestling. Demanto, my bottle of Absolut is raised right now as I type this. Do us proud in Rhode Island, and come back stronger and better than ever - you over exposed beeyotch! lol. Seriously though, I know your drive is strong, and I know you will be shutting up alot of people and wowing alot of people when you get back.

Now to your friend, Kevin Matthews. Eat a hamburger!
Johnny Ova, eat 959 hamburgers lol.

Beware the "Party Like ..." tour, hitting an indy show near you. Hotels are no longer safe either, especially from bodily functions!

If anyone has a best of Jake The Snake tape, please holler at BULLSMC@aol.com

HOW FUCKING GREAT WAS HBK Vs HHH on RAW? Excellent match. HBK at 50% is better than 99% of the guys in the WWE today. Give the man the fucking belt. The finish really killed the show and most likely the town, but the match quality was 5 stars, and showed that The HeartBreakKid is still a fucking legend. Here's to hoping the E gives us HBK vs Flair one day, in an iron man match.

UPCOMING SHOWS
1/3 AWA in Union, NJ
1/9 JAP/ROH and WXW
1/10 NYWC and MLW
Try to catch these shows as each offers something unique.

Seriously, how great was Final Battle 2003? That was definitely the turning point in ROH.

Now, for something that makes me proud and the DOI proud.

I recieived this a little while ago, from WXW employee and DOI writer, Doc Daniels:

The following is written by Afa "The Wild Samoan".
We have just came to the closing of 2003, and have now started the new year.
Around this time every year, people start to hand out their year end awards for various things that have occurred throughout the year. I was told that I also received a very special award by a great group of people. The Declaration of Independents (www.declarationofindependents.net) have decided to give me the Lifetime Achievement award. This was an honor to receive this, as so few people receive an award of this type. I have done many things throughout my life. I'm a former 3 time WWE Tag Team Champion, wrestled all over the world with my family, trained my family to wrestle, started a successful school and wrestling promotion, and made the dreams come true of many current and future WWE Superstars. It makes me even more proud of my accomplishments to have them recognized by the DOI. So at this time, I would like to thank their staff for giving me this proud honor.
In particular, I'd like to thank Sean "The Mic" McCaffrey. Sean has been to many of my WXW shows in the past. He has always given fair reviews of our shows, and gives very thorough reviews. He has also helped us a lot in advertising our shows on his websites. The internet is a very powerful tool, and it is good to have a place like the DOI to help us use it.
So once again, I'd like to thank the DOI for giving me their Lifetime achievement award. It truly is an honor to be recognized by them for my work in wrestling. And also thank you to Sean McCaffrey for his help and dedication as a fan to WXW. Thank you once again son and Happy New Year.
Your friend and Pops.
Afa "The Wild Samoan"

When Mike Zevon first suggested giving the award to Afa, at the year end award meeting, it was the only award not contested or argued about. When Afa's name was thrown out as a contender for the Lifetime Achievement Award, we knew that no other name could take that award. It was and is great to recoginize Afa with the award. Stay tuned to the DOI site for pictures with the DOI award winners including Afa.
The DOI doesn't make any money, and loses a little money here and there with website costs, mailing costs, printing issue costs and more. We also spend money by travelling, and lessen our wallet, such as paying for gas, tolls, hotels, etc, but recieving a letter like that makes it all worth it. 2004 will be the year the DOI looks to make its mark and we will continue to get stronger and give you the best website and newsletter in wrestling. The DOI is all about helping and promoting indy wrestling and there is nothing we won't print to help promote any wrestler or promotion.

So in closing, thanks to everyone for reading the DOI in 2003 and lending your support. 2004 we will improve and strive to give you the best reading material anywhere.

Happy New Year you party animals!
It's now 4 AM, and I spell checked it twice, so hopefully everything is funky.
Oh yea, thanks to everyone who has contributed to the McTape Reviews. There will be more reviews going up this weekend.

Aight I'm dead tired and need to pass out.

Sean "The MiC" McCaffrey
BULLSMC@aol.com

DOI 2004