Wow, am I actually WRITING something for the DOI?

Yes, now before everyone dies of shock, let me say wassup. It is I, the Marino lovin, number 1 Ranger team rooting, Yankee hatin, writer extraordinaire. Yes, I know that was lame but do I really care? No. Last night, I had the honor, or perhaps dishonor, of being seated directly behind two very tall people’s heads for USA pro last night. This was kind of ironic as later on in the evening, I got to look at the back of someone’s head (Phila; only one person will get that joke but who gives a damn) as well. I would probably say that it was an excellent show but the highlight of my evening was seeing the dandruff off the first guy’s head (directly in front of me) calling out the dandruff from the other guy’s head. In all seriousness, I thought the show was fun, probably more due to the funny chanting than the actual show itself. The crowd was huge and reminded me very much of ECW shows at the same venue. Many people were pretty tame except for the group in the 1^st row, who were chanting all night long. Oh yeah, a couple of DOI guy gave it to everyone, myself included, but it’s all good. People also gave the DJ, as well as Chris Danger a hard time every time he went to sweep up the ring. I believe the exact chant was “sweep it up asshole, sweep it up” but I may be incorrect on this assessment. Since Zevon and the Mic will probably knock off the show in greater detail, I’ll just touch on some of the matches.

Fred Sampson d. Tommy Trouble in the opening match. Pretty good stuff.

Poppalicious (who the Mic torched with a few nasty chants haha) d. Ken Scampi to win the King of the Elks match. Other competitors in the match included Johnny TNT, JAV, Jay Static, Justin Cage, Angry Young Man, Sabotage, J-Kronik, Travis Blackchurch, Remy, Afato and Chris Danger. Normally, I am bored to death during these matches but this one wasn’t as bad.

Christopher Street Connection d. The Solution. Obviously, the CSC got a huge response as they have everywhere I have seen them. Their matches are always entertaining. After the match, they went onto the stage and basically made out a couple of times. At this point, if I had eaten the Elks Lodge rat err hot dogs, they would have ended up on the DOI table.

Los Lunatics won a fourway over the Elm Street Kids, Trailer Park Trash and Envy, Jimmy Hustler, & Rob to become the USA Pro triad champs. I didn’t see much of this match as the DOI table decided to fall over to one side and almost smash my foot. More on that later.

Mike Tobin d. Prince Nana. Tony Lo and Bobcat (looking much like a female version of GI Bro) accompanied Tobin to the ring. Nana got on the mic before the match and went off on some people in the crowd. Good stuff. After the match, Nana beat up Tony Lo.

Low-Ki d. Sonjay Dutt. I really wanted to see this match but the 2 heads in front of were making it almost unwatchable since they actually decided to speak to each other while turning their heads. The nerve of some people. Now, I thought about standing on my seat but that thing was crazy wobbly and I didn’t need that. I caught the last half of the match and I have to say, it was excellent.

Mike Kruel d. Crowbar to win the vacant USA Pro US championship. I haven’t seen Crowbar in a long ass time. Funny parts included him accidentally nailing his own valet a few times. After the match, Kruel ended up smacking his valet Simple Luscious, which got a nice response from the people there. Man on woman violence is always liked for some reason. Knightlife came out and wanted Kruel to rejoin the group, which he ended up doing. During their talk, which included lots or references to the amount of ass they get, a nice group of 7 year olds on the 2^nd floor began chanting how they wanted some ass too. Ah, the youth of today.

Masked Maniac came out and talked about the history of the Elks Lodge. ZZZZZZZZZ! Sorry. Anyway, he then brought out Dana Dameson, wearing a Yankee (argh!) shirt. After a little bit of embarrassing her, he ended up hitting her with a slam. This bought out Ken Sweeney and they had a brawl.

Masked Maniac d. Ken Sweeney in the aforementioned brawl, which eventually found it’s way to the DOI table with the bad leg. Big shock when the table didn’t completely break after Sweeney was slammed onto it. MM climbed onto the heater rail thing and dove onto Sweeney, crushing only one side of the table. That other side just didn’t want to give. Not to embarrass him but Zevon almost landed on his ass when he chose to stand on the edge of the broken table.

Low Life Louie Ramos d. Bison Bravado, the New Dynamite Kid, and Danny Demanto in a 4 way hardcore match. The Motivator (rockin his DOI shirt) was the special guest referee. Even Zevon got a nice response when he came out from the curtain to record the match. They basically beat the crap out of each other and even got in a nice shot on the ref. Motivator did his best seizure impersonation for a while after this. After the match, Reefer came and set up a match with LLL for the next show.

Deranged d. Dan Barry and Johnny Ova in a triple threat match to retain the USA Pro Wrestling X-Treme Championship. Pretty good match but I was a bit burned out after the hardcore right before it.

The Flock (Wayne & Mikey Whipwreck) d. The Dirty Rotten Scoundrelz to retain the USA Pro Wrestling Tag Team Championship. Tara Charisma accompanied the Flock and did a whole bunch of their hand signs throughout. The DRS got a good reaction but then EC Negro got on the mic and turned on the people, saying that they weren’t going to be fan favorites anymore. They seem better suited for that role anyway. Mikey and Wayne pretended to be the FAT (like SAT, get it? Don’t care? Yeah me neither).

Balls Mahoney d. Axl Rotten in a madhouse of extreme match. They did the whole drink beer with each other, hug each other thing before the match. They promised to beat the hell out of each other. Ah, don’t you feel the love? After the match, Ken Scampi (also rockin a DOI shirt) came out and started beef.

Bam Bam Bigelow and Chris Candido w/ Sunny d. Simon Diamond & Matt Striker. Unfortunately, I had to head outside during this match and missed pretty much all of it. Now, how do I know the result of the match if I didn’t see it, you ask? I’m good like that.

Frank Goodman then came out to induct Danny Drake into the USA Pro Wrestling Hall of Fame.

The main event saw Raven w/ the Flock defeating Al Snow to retain the USA Pro belt. This one went 45 minutes and had some good stuff. I was so tired at this point, I actually wanted it to end. People were booing after every kick out but I don’t think it was for the reason they intended. But both guys looked good. I wish I could see a tape of it some time when I haven’t sat through 5 hours beforehand. Oops, did I say sit? I mean stand. After the match, Raven got beat down by the Triple Threat. Douglas grabbed the mic and went off yet again. The show ended with an NOW type garbage throwing melee into the ring at the Tripe Threat guys and Raven, who had to lay there while stuff was flying in there like crazy. That it, show’s over.