Mikey Z in front of that dive - Milner's Cafe!

This is Marc Adler and I’m here to give you a food review of Milner's Café at 521 Broad St, Meriden, CT.

Michael Zevon, Joel Grayson, the MiC, and myself went to this shithole when we went to Connecticut to watch the PWA show in May. We decided to go into this bar/café/disease spreader called Milner’s Café. It looked like the bar in Northern Exposure, so I actually thought some good could come out of it. Let me put it to you like this, I have never had a hamburger that tasted so bad, nor have I ever seen a place that sells hamburgers, but NO FRIES! No Fuckin’ Fries? What the hell is that? I swear, the ketchup had the skin on it from when my grandparents came here in 1955! Joel ordered a chili dog, thinking it was a corn dog! Joel, are you a moron? A Corn Dog is on a stick, while a Chili Dog has Chili on it, jackass! I love ya anyway!

To get down to the nitty gritty, this place sucked, and I swear the fruit flies in the Apartment From Hell can whip up better eats! In fact, I think I’ve picked up food out in the brush off the floor that tasted better and had a higher nutritional value!

Want to hear something weird? I wanted to just have a sip from Sean's beer, and they said I couldn't! I needed to buy my OWN! I told them to stick their beer and took a sip from Sean's glass anyway! Screw Milner!

Not only did the food suck, but the atmosphere was horrible! I swear, if there were any teeth in the joint, they were on me, Mikey, Joel, or Sean! The total tooth count of the employees and other customers had to be less than 20! And there were 3 customers in there! How about the video game selection? Try one Megatouch with a broken top left corner…you couldn’t play any game except 11Up, which happens to be my game. I SHATTERED the high score on my first try, because lord knows them Connecticutites can’t count above 10!

In conclusion, I would suggest that nobody EVER enter or come near Milner’s Café. The place sucks, the service sucks, the food sucks, and the prices SUCK!

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