An Essay By the wizard of id

In a recent essay entitled “It’s Time The Smarks Smartened Up” I explored the behavior of smark fans - those who believe their knowledge of how wrestling “works” entitles them to offer criticisms during a show - and how they often ruin or compromise the enjoyment of fans there for a good time. I was specifically targeting the smarks who direct their comments and ‘insights’ toward accomplished, talented wrestlers who experience inadvertent mishaps or ‘off nights.’ In case you missed that essay, or perhaps just didn‘t ‘get it,’ allow me to recap with the following analogy…

Imagine someone who has never driven a car, but has seen it done a thousand times. They’ve watched numerous drivers-ed films and read all kinds of instructional manuals and thus know many ‘facts’ about what it takes to pilot an automobile, but have never actually done so. Imagine this person then telling someone like Dale Earnhardt how to corner properly, or criticizing the way he passed another driver on the backstretch. That is the behavior of a smark fan.

Now, imagine that same person, having gleaned all those ‘facts’ and ‘insider’ knowledge about the art of driving who then learns in his own backyard how to shift gears, do 360s and spin the tires and believes that makes him a qualified Nascar driver, worthy of joining the circuit. Imagine the carnage, both on the track and to Nascar’s reputation, if such a person actually did ‘buy’ his way into a race. Nascar fans could hardly be expected to contain their outrage and remain silent if faced with such a debacle being made of their beloved sport.

So too, can wrestling fans not be expected to remain silent when confronted with smarks who have bought there way onto a wrestling card to demonstrate the few maneuvers and holds they learned in their backyard or basement. In fact, they should voice their displeasure as loudly as it takes to boo these disrespectful displays of ego that bastardize the art of pro-wrestling not only out of the ring, but the business as well. I am speaking about the smarks who are better known as “ticket sellers” - people who have learned a few wrestling moves that ‘buy’ their way onto a card to show off their ‘skills.’

Often lacking any charisma, ring gear, (or physical size, stamina and strength,) and completely devoid of any grasp of in-ring psychology and match story-telling, they provide instead, a cornucopia of poorly performed spot-fests and other disturbing exhibitions of their (mostly) self-taught wrestling ‘skills.’ These in-ring smarks do more to damage the credibility of wrestling than any mainstream media story exposing the business ever did. And there is no real justification for them being allowed to do so.

While it’s understandable, from a business standpoint, for some indy promoters to use ticket sellers on their shows, it demonstrates an inexcusable contempt for their paying customers to allow them free reign to sully the business with their antics and glory-hogging stunts. There has always been a place on indy cards for struggling rookies to hone their craft but they, more than any others, need a firm booking hand to direct their efforts.

All novice wrestlers, and ticket sellers in particular, should be given explicit instruction from the booker as to the layout of their match and failing to follow that direction to the letter should result in swift disciplinary reprisals. Promoters who allow ticket sellers to call their own ‘matches’ or veteran wrestlers who remain silent in the dressing room (when they should be stretching the bejesus out of these wannabes) are as guilty as the ticket sellers themselves for this ongoing sham perpetrated against the paying fans and the legacy of wrestling itself. It seems to me that any short term financial gain promoters reap from ticket sellers is hardly worth the potential loss of fans turned off by the ‘performance’ and qualified, talented wrestlers suffer because these in-ring smarks make a mockery of ‘real’ matches by busting out every big move they know, with little thought to match psychology or the importance of ‘selling’ a move.

Naturally, ticket selling smarks have many arguments defending their actions but the central theme is always “Me first.” Some claim to have been ‘trained’ but what kind of trainer teaches someone high spots and finishers, but not the basics? How can a ticket selling smark afford training but can’t afford ring gear? No reputable trainer would give his students the green light to work an actual show unless they were in decent shape, had actual ring gear, knew how to mat wrestle and, most importantly, had at least a basic understanding of in-ring storytelling. As most working smarks exhibit none of these traits, it’s fair to say that whoever ‘trained’ them was hardly a qualified, reputable instructor.

Another common argument used by ticket sellers to justify their flip, flop and fly approach is to claim they are trying to earn a spot in the ‘big leagues’ by impressing potential talent scouts and agents with their in-ring ‘abilities.’ If, by some fluke chance, their inane spot-fest displays did land them a tryout with a major promotion; what the hell are they going to do when they get there? Use all the established stars’ finishing moves in the opening match? How are they going to follow a booker’s instructions regarding a match angle, layout, or finish, if they don’t have a clue what he’s talking about, or how to execute it if they do?

Imagine (if you can,) one of these smarks actually making it to the WWE. Vince McMahon put talented veteran wrestler Hector Guerrero in a Gobbledy Gooker suit! What do you think he would do to a no-name twig who ‘wrestles’ in gym shorts and a T-shirt? Many talented, established indy stars are lucky (and grateful) just to get the opportunity to play a minor role as a security officer or cop in a WWE storyline, let alone a beat-down from an established Superstar in a squash match, and they at least, have a body shape and physique to fit the part. What chance does a ticket selling smark have of achieving even that level of ‘success’ in the Big Show? Seriously, if you’re 5’6” and weigh a flabby 165lbs, the only way you’re getting to the WWE is if Bradshaw needs a new shower toy.

Many ticket selling smarks claim to love pro-wrestling but if that were true they wouldn’t make a mockery of it with their antics. They would study the business and hone their skills in the craft through hours of practice and legitimate training with those that do know how it works before they ever stepped foot in the ring in front of a paying crowd. How can you claim to love something if you only use the bits and pieces of it that suit your own selfish need to feed your ego? How can you claim to love pro-wrestling if you rape it every time you step in the ring? What benefit do you bring to this business you profess to love with your self-centered masturbatory performances that shit on every talented performer that’s gone before you and, more importantly, the paying fans without which, it would die?

There is nothing wrong with aspiring to become a pro wrestler, but if that is truly your desire, you should do it the right way, through hard work and dedication so that when you do step in the ring, you don’t bring shame and disrespect to the business and those who didn’t take shortcuts like selling tickets to get there. You might have ‘paid’ to get in the ring but you haven’t ‘paid your dues’ by earning the right to be there through dedication to learning the basics of pro-wrestling. Nor are you paying your ‘in-ring dues’, that all rookies must pay, further developing and honing the basic skills they’ve learned by performing traditional match sequences and psychology because all you‘re doing is showing off a bunch of flashy moves bereft of any context to an actual match. As ticket selling smarks all you’ve done is pay for the right to jack-off in public to feed your own ego.

Stop pretending to be pro wrestlers because it is painfully obvious to everyone but you, that you most certainly are not. Knowing how to pull off a couple dozen high-spots or finishers does not make someone a wrestler. Far from it. I don’t care how many hurracanrana or splash variations you’ve mastered… if you don’t know how to tell a story in the ring and can’t convincingly perform even the most basic of mat maneuvers, like selling an arm-bar, you ain’t shit. You may be able to ‘buy’ your way into a wrestling ring, but you can’t buy respect - you must earn it. Only a smark would think otherwise.

+++++

Gordo, the wizard of id

Feedback and comments are welcomed

Post on the Message Board or email the DOI

Original Column On This Subject:

IT’S TIME THE SMARKS SMARTENED UP
An Essay by the wizard of id

How often does this happen to you? You go to the local indy wrestling show and don’t have a good time. Not because the wresters aren’t that good, or the technical aspects like lighting and sound systems are sub-par, but rather, certain members of the audience insist on yelling out “insider” terms or ridiculing the performers for blowing spots. Perhaps you yourself are one of those who insist on vocalizing criticisms of the in-ring product during the show because you’re not happy with the lack of skill, or effort, demonstrated by the workers. I’m not talking about booing the “bad guy” or cheering for the “good guy.” I’m talking about the ever-growing practice of vocalizing negative reviews and comments during the show.

The people who do this, chanting “You fucked up” after some guy blows a move and half kills himself or the person he’s in the ring with, or telling a wrestler to “learn how to do a (insert move here) the right way” often act like they are somehow superior to both the wrestlers and the rest of the audience. Like their “knowledge” of how the game works, gives them license to ridicule those who fail to reach their viewing standards. I wonder if they actually enjoy watching pro-wrestling or if they just get their kicks from putting on their own show at the expense of the performers they paid to see.

This behavior seems self-defeating to me. How can you enjoy a show if you’re constantly “on point,” waiting for a perceived screw-up, or poor execution, so you can demonstrate how “smart” you are? Why pay money to see a performance if you’re going to spend your time and energy looking for negatives? I can see no point to criticizing the efforts of the performers (no matter how bad they may be) other than giving your self-centered ego a public stage to put yourself “over.” This is not the behavior of a true fan. It’s the selfish, unthinking actions of someone who truly doesn’t “get it.”

These boorish louts often ruin the show for others with their profane laden “insights” and fail to realize that 90% of the crowd is “smarter” than they are. All but the youngest children know how pro-wrestling works. They know it’s “fake.” They know when a wrestler blows a spot or otherwise screws up. They just choose to ignore it because they’re there to enjoy the show, not critique it. Even legitimate critics whose job it is to review the show for magazines, web sites and other media know enough to first view the show as a fan and then later, when the lights go down, review the show as a critic.

That’s the difference between “smarts” and “smarks.” Those who are “smarts” understand the reality of the ‘show’ and further understand that enjoying the “art for art’s sake” is key to enjoying pro-wrestling. “Smarks,” no matter how much insider knowledge they may think they have, demonstrate time and again that they just don’t “get it.” Perhaps their bitterness and negativity is because they know, deep inside, that the “marks” who they so disdain have something they will never achieve, true enjoyment and understanding of the magic.

If you’ve never actually been in the ring and you think , just because you’ve watched it for years and seen a few “insider” tapes, that you know how wrestling works, you are sadly mistaken. That’s like thinking that, just because you’ve watched a lot of porn and read a few men’s magazines, you know how to make love to a woman, even though you’ve never actually had sex before. As sad and pathetic as that is, it is the reality of your behavior.

Often these people rationalize their actions by saying “I paid for my ticket, I can say whatever I want.” That may be true but it doesn’t mean that you should, especially if what you’re saying is detrimental to the ‘enjoyment factor’ of the rest of the paying audience. Just because your like-minded friends enjoy and encourage your vocal antics doesn’t mean everyone else does. In fact, a very small vocal minority, under the guise of identifying and/or correcting a wrestler’s “mistakes” and perceived talent shortcomings, often ruin the show for the majority who came for a good time. Do these loudmouths actually think they contribute to the betterment of the show they’re viewing by vocalizing their criticisms?

Another rationalization commonly used to defend this behavior is to compare wrestling to professional sporting events, claiming that money paid for a ticket gives a fan the right to express their opinions if a football quarterback for example, is not performing at a level he should, constantly throwing wild passes or fumbling the ball. The problem with that argument is that pro-wrestling is not a sport, it’s a performance, more akin to a stage play than a competitive sporting event. Imagine the outrage if, after an actor in a theater production missed his cue, some yahoos in the audience started chanting “You fucked up!”

Pro-wrestling is interactive theater, with clearly defined roles for both the main players and the audience. For it to be successful and enjoyable for everyone concerned, all involved must understand and play their parts. Wrestlers must still give their best efforts even if the crowd is disinterested, or just very small, and the spectators must suspend their disbelief and contribute to the action by playing along, even when the action, or the performers, are less than perfect. If you’re not prepared to do that, why are you there?

There is no “secret formula” to enjoying pro-wrestling. It’s very simple. All one needs to do to enjoy the show is to suspend their disbelief, much like you would when watching a movie. Of course you know it isn’t “real” but while it’s playing, you don’t think about that. You embrace the story or, to use wrestling terminology, you “mark out,” and those who mark out the most, enjoy it the most. Suspending disbelief does not make someone any less intelligent or valuable as a person, it just enables them to fully realize the entertainment potential of what they’re viewing.

Someone who watches a movie looking for continuity breaks, or scrutinizing the thespian skills of the actors, instead of just allowing themselves to be entertained is bound to find the experience less than fulfilling. So too are people who attend a wrestling show going to be disappointed if they cannot overlook the inevitable mistakes and sub-par performances that sometimes occur. Granted, you might feel some movies and pro-wrestling shows are genuinely bad, but instead of ruining it for audience members who might think otherwise by shouting out derogatory remarks, why not just get up and leave? Chances are you, as a spectator, have never produced one yourself so why pretend you know what you’re talking about?

It is easier to suspend disbelief and accept wrestling is “real” than it is to believe the words of “wisdom” delivered by some rude group of smarks who don’t “get it” because they’re too busy “marking out” over their own sense of importance and their “insider” knowledge. Someone once said: “It is better to remain silent and have people think you’re an idiot, than it is to open your mouth and prove it.” A sentiment worth thinking about before offering your “constructive criticisms” during the show.

+++++++
Gordo, the wizard of id
Feedback and comments are welcomed,
Use the Message Board or email the DOI with your thoughts.