A Rant About Surprises and The Pricks Who Try To Spoil Them

By Gordo, the wizard of id

You know, it never ceases to amaze me how often people in wrestling shoot themselves, and this glorious business, right square in the ass! What is it that compels wrestling 'insiders' to leak information that companies & workers want to be kept quiet? Especially info that is being kept quiet to help the magic develop. Secrets with only one purpose - to give fans the delight and excitement of unexpected surprises.

What is the gain for these loose-lipped tipsters? Momentary gratitude from some fucking parasite posing as a 'journalist'? An ego-stroking satisfaction that they were first to be a tattletale? Maybe it's an effort to diffuse and diminish attention and excitement shown towards someone else's moment to shine - in which case, it's the act of a short-sighted, insecure, jealous asshole who can’t stand the thought that they are not the center of attention.

Their need to be recognized, even for a second, drives them to ruin it for others by spilling the beans about things like upcoming storylines, swerves and talent debuts. With their self-serving, glory-hound actions they spit in the face of their peers, their employers, the fans and the business of wrestling itself!

And for what? How weak and devoid of spirit and character must a person be to get some satisfaction from spoiling a surprise? Upcoming developments about storylines or talent debuts are often kept secret from fans because the element of shock and surprise is an integral part of providing fans the excitement and joy that keeps them coming back for more. Keeps them interested in the product. Keeps them in the seats show after show. These secrets are developed for a purpose - a purpose that benefits everyone involved with the company. Shallow indeed is the person who sneaks that secret outside the curtain and exposes it to the public.

And what of the so-called 'journalists' who encourage this creative theft and exploitation? What does it say about a writer that they would seek out and cultivate 'sources' who provide such details and then shout them to the world?

"Look at me! Look how 'smart' I am! I ruined your surprise because I'm an egocentric prick, trying to achieve fame and glory with my disrespectful attitude toward everyone! Because I am a leech and I will suck whatever I can, from anyone I can, to fill my own need for attention!"

These fucking parasites (and we all know who they are) are a blight on wrestling, journalism, decency and honor. They sit behind their computers and rip apart this glorious magical thing called pro-wrestling at the expense of the passionate, dedicated performers who give so much of themselves to please the fans. They expose and destroy the carefully constructed storyline surprises companies create - just to put themselves over. Their desperate need to feed their ego causes them to exploit the hard work and dreams of those who walk a higher path. These fucking pathetic blood-suckers feed off the talents and efforts of those with the will and character to actually work at achieving their dreams and they shit on the business and the fans in the process.

These egotistical, ego-maniacal, parasitical maggots couldn't care less if they ruin surprises, spill secrets or just generally act like the self-centered little pricks that they are. As long as they look 'smart' for two seconds.

Fuck them! And fuck the petty, jealous, unthinking, uncaring, disrespectful ‘insider’ shitheads who leak these secrets knowing full well that they will be shared with the world.

As the wizard of id, I am often aware of many things that I do not reveal to my readers. I know many secrets about wrestling and the people in it. You don't see me spilling the beans. You don’t see me spoiling the surprise just to show how 'smart' or ‘connected’ I am. And you won't either. And another thing, the good folks at the DOI know how to keep a secret too. They know when to pass on a ‘scoop’ because reporting it would be detrimental to the enjoyment of the fans. They know where to draw the line between reporting on backstage politics, rumor and scandal (something they do better than anyone else, by the way) and revealing things like talent debuts that are designed and intended to bring enjoyment to the fans because of the surprise value. That’s why neither I, nor anyone else at the DOI, revealed what we knew about the details of this weekend’s CZW show.

I am grateful beyond measure for the opportunity to cover Indy Wrestling. I'm not going to spit on it or the incredible, amazing, wonderful people who provide the magic that makes it so special just to feed my own ego. I have a dog - an adorable little Chihuahua - who thinks the world of me. I don't need any more ego stroking than that.

Just to clarify… I am speaking specifically of leaked information pertaining to secrets developed for the enjoyment of fans… Storylines, angles or talent debuts created with the express purpose of adding to the fan’s enjoyment of the product because they are surprises.

Obviously, there are many incidents of ‘insider’ info concerning business practices, relationships, injuries and fights etc that are leaked to the media. I understand that there is a huge interest for that kind of information. Many people enjoy hearing about those kinds of details. I have no problem with that.

While I personally don’t cover those types of stories, I certainly harbor no animosity towards those that do. In fact, I often direct people with insider info to writers who I know will run the details they wish to share. As long as the journalist makes an attempt to check the data and corroborate facts, then I’m all for them sharing the story with the world. If they run unsubstantiated rumors, they should report them as such so as not give the appearance that the info contains legitimate proven facts.

Fans, on both sides of the curtain, have a hunger for stories about who’s fucking who, or who took a crap in the shower, and it will always be thus – for as long as wrestling is popular. And there will always be a ready source of insiders willing to impart those details to journalists willing to cover them. That’s just the reality of the entertainment business. People want to know more about the stars and if it’s dirt, some of them really want to know.

My problem is with people in the business, and journalists who cover it, who reveal details and secrets about things designed for the enjoyment of the fans, the people who support it. Christ, kayfabe has been shattered. There are not a lot of secrets left. Why destroy the few opportunities companies and performers have left to entertain the fans with surprises and unexpected twists?

Revealing storyline swerves and hidden debut appearances does nothing but diminish the potential enjoyment of the paying audience. And, since such surprises are usually carefully plotted by company management, it demonstrates an incredible lack of loyalty and ‘team commitment’ to spoil them. It’s an act of disrespect to the business, the people in it and the fans that support it.

Don’t even get me started on the assholes who post match results before a show even starts. I’m pissed off enough already.

You can offer comments or feedback to the wizard of id at zapflash@sympatico.ca or post on the message board.