Gordo, the wizard of id, reviews:
NSW – Crisis on the Caffeinated Earth
Charity Exhibition for Tim Hortons Children’s Foundation
03 June 06, 11am. Burlington, Ontario
The Advertised Card:
NSW World Heavyweight
Championship Match:
Timothy Dalton (C) w/Pandora vs Kris Law
NSW Cruiserweight Championship
Match:
Prodigy (C) w/Kyle Davenport vs Snap Dragon
Loser Eats a Dozen Donuts Match:
Brett Scholl w/Scotty O’Shea vs Deanna Conda
Falls Count Anywhere Match:
‘World Renowned’ Steve Brown vs Jay Phoenix
James Gracey vs Adam Reed w/Mercy
6-Way Scramble Match:
Mark Shaw vs Logan
Savage vs Justin Sane vs Dan Morris vs Scotty O’Shea vs St. Stephen Elias w/Deanna Conda
The Venue: NSW,
in support of the venerable donut chain, Tim
Hortons’ Children’s Foundation, put on a free exhibition show in the
parking lot of the Guelph Line Tim’s in Burlington
Ontario. An entrance tunnel was erected
over the door to the storeroom; now serving as the NSW locker room and a sound
system was set up alongside the roll-up bay door. A rented 16 foot ring was
erected in the side parking lot and fans sat on the curbs or stood around
during the show. An average crowd of about 100 took in the action. Mrs Id and I always carry lawn chairs
in the car so we made our very own front row beside the ring. In a first for
us, we took our dog Isabeau, a
purebred long-coat Chihuahua with
us to the show. Naturally, she took a crap on the grassy area separating the
street from the parking lot. Being a responsible dog owner, and knowing full
well that about 80 people knew my dog just took a dump, I scooped the turd up
and threw it in the trash. What does that have to do with a wrestling show
review? Let’s just say that two wrestlers on the card should be thankful that I
did. There were balloons and treats passed out to the many young children in
attendance and NSW DVDs were sold from the trunk of a workers car. The ring
announcer was some fan named Lindsey,
who won the honor (so I’m told) in a
lottery or something. The referees were Shawn
Hawk, Johnny Rotten & Dave Dread.
James Gracey
vs Adam Reed w/Mercy & Steve Brown – Under the watchful eye of ref
Shawn Hawk, Reed and Gracey locked up to start the show under grey skies and
the smell of donuts. Reed’s power advantage was quickly negated by Gracey’s mat
wrestling skills and speed. Escaping a pin attempt less than 2 minutes into the
match, Reed bailed to the outside to stall. After a few words with Brown at
ringside, Reed re-entered the ring and initiated an exchange of strikes and
chops, driving Gracey back into the corner. A big vertical suplex and sidewalk
slam gave Reed a near fall. Reed continued the offensive by stomping on Gracey
and throwing elbows in the corner. Arrogant as always, he couldn’t resist
jawing at fans and Gracey surprised him with a flurry of punches and a flying
leg strike that dropped him for another 2 count. Reed came right back with a
solid spinebuster and some big knee strikes before tossing Gracey outside where
Brown choked him while Reed distracted the official. Meanwhile, Mercy stood
around looking totally unlike a skater/hobo chick. When Gracey rolled back into
the ring, Reed turned a pumphandle slam into a wicked backbreaker and worked an
on the mat submission attempt. Gracey managed to fight his way out and nailed a
sweet dropkick for another near fall. Seconds later a double clothesline put
both men down on the canvas. Gracey was up first and targeted Reed with an
enzeguri that only grazed him. Reed answered with a backdrop and again, both
men struggled to rise. Once up they traded punches and chops before Gracey
nailed a Death Valley Driver. Instead of counting the pin, ref Hawk waved it
off saying the time limit had expired. There didn’t appear to be a bell but he
said the match was over. Ref Hawk then polled the fans and awarded Gracey the
victory by popular vote. Thoughts: A
decent opening match with lots of back and forth action and some nice high
flying from Gracey. I would have been happier with a draw rather than a poll of
fans but I soon discovered that this exhibition show would be full of strange
twists.
And speaking about
strange: Kex entered the ring
and delivered a weird speech saying he wouldn’t be wrestling on the show
because “fairies” weren’t allowed but he was a “sprite” and he wanted a match
or some damn thing like that. While he was whining, Steve Brown, Prodigy, Kyle Davenport, Mercy and Timothy Dalton
came out and entered the ring. Kex stood his ground and, reaching into his
pocket, grabbed his infamous “pixie dust” and… Wait a minute! If this guy’s a
sprite, what the hell is he doing with pixie
dust? Isn’t that something a pixie would carry? Man, this guy’s character is in
need of development and enhancement as much as his muscles. Not to mention his
wrestling skills. Anyway, Kex the sprite
threw his pixie dust in Steve Brown’s face which had no affect whatsoever
because… Well, Steve said it better than I can: “I’m wearing sunglasses you idiot!” Prodigy slapped
Kex the fairy/sprite/pixie to the mat and he fled to Never Never Land or
wherever. NSW world champion Timothy Dalton got on the mic and rambled on about
coffee like he’d had far too much of it already then Davenport started beaking
off about something else entirely. At this point the heels were chased from the
ring by Kris Law, St Stephen Elias, Jay Phoenix and Scotty
O’Shea. Elias started to cut a promo but Steve Brown unplugged the mic cord
on his way to the locker room and if that
doesn’t make him a fan favorite, nothing will. The whole segment was bizarre
and surprisingly, there were still lots of fans left to watch the next match.
6-Way Scramble Match: Scotty O’Shea vs ‘The Talent’ Dan Morris vs
Logan Savage vs ‘Urban Warrior’ Mark Shaw vs St Stephen Elias vs Justin
Sane – Guest ring announcer Lindsey announced Deanna Conda as accompanying
Elias to the ring but Conda at that point hadn’t even arrived at the show. She didn’t announce Steve Brown who came out
with Savage and he’s a pretty hard guy to miss. Some wanker started chanting
“Fist Steve Brown” but when Brown went over and stood next to him to watch the
match he fell silent. The match started with a 6 man huddle in the middle of
the ring, called by Scotty O’Shea, who said he was tired of these multi-man
matches all starting the same way. It was decided by mutual consent to have a
3-way chicken fight. They paired off and with Justin Sane, Morris and O’Shea
riding the shoulders of Elias, Shaw and Logan respectively, began trading
holds. When the Sane/Elias and Morris/Shaw pairs engaged each other, O’Shea
tried for a quick roll-up on Savage and almost won the match right there.
Another quick huddle around the dazed Savage led to a multi-man dropkick to his
head. From there they all proceeded to brawl in and out of the ring. Elias
decided to wander around the parking lot greeting fans. While he was doing that
there were a couple of nice over the top dives to the outside and a few decent
slams inside the ring with Shaw’s delayed vertical suplex of Sane the best of
the lot. Elias re-entered the ring to take part in a 3 man suplex and all 6
hooked up for a stroke maneuver that left them all down on the mat except Elias
who ran across the backs of his opponents. Eventually, Shaw pinned Morris and
won the match. Thoughts: A straight
up comedy show that the wrestlers seemed to enjoy as much as the fans.
HHV vs Cody Shore – An unadvertised match-up between one half of Beauty & the
Beast (HHV) and one of the more under-rated stars NSW, Cody
Shore. Conspicuous by his absence
at ringside was HHV’s manager Kyle Davenport. They started by working the crowd
for cheers which Shore managed to do a lot better than HHV. Of course, he
wasn’t calling them idiots so that might have had something to do with it. When
they did lock up, Shore quickly took it to the mat and controlled the action.
When HHV got loose he rolled from the ring and dodged Shore’s over the top rope
splash attempt. Rolling the asphalt enhanced Shore back inside, HHV softened
him up with a choke on the ropes before locking on a sleeper. Cody elbowed his
way out of the hold but a big knee to the gut and a backbreaker put him down
for two fast near falls. After an exchange of chops, Shore hit a sidewalk slam
for a 2 of his own. Pressing his advantage, Shore nailed a backbreaker and
without releasing HHV, regained his feet and spun his opponent around to
deliver a gutbuster for another close near fall. HHV took back the edge with a
poke to the eye and a flurry of punches before an extended series of chokes on
the mat. His neckbreaker followed by a lazy standing pin attempt did little but
rile Shore. He snagged HHV in a fireman’s carry and turned that into a leaping
double gutbuster. Only the closeness of the ropes saved HHV from the pin that
time. After both men collided while attempting clotheslines, Cody climbed to
the top of the corner ropes but HHV pushed ref Dread into the ropes causing
Cody to land square on his buoys. One big suplex from the ropes later and HHV
had the winning cover. Thoughts: Once
they got down to business these two guys provided fans with a great match full
of high impact moves and lots of drama. HHV proved he can go it alone by
winning in decisive fashion without Danny Magnum or Kyle Davenport at his side.
Still somewhat of an upset though as Shore is the more established singles
competitor. His fireman’s carry into the double gutbuster was a thing of
beauty.
Falls Count Anywhere Match: Steve Brown w/Mercy vs Jay Phoenix
– The match started calmly enough with an exchange of armbars and headlocks
before Brown leveled Phoenix with a
big body block. Phoenix responded
with a spinning heel kick and fans were shocked when Brown came right back with
one of his own. Brown choked his opponent on the ropes and dumped him outside
where Mercy did a little airway constriction of her own. Phoenix
and Brown battled onto the grassy area separating the parking lot from the road
where Brown got a 2 count on the exact spot Isabeau had taken her pre-show
dump. Brown worked a double arm submission on Phoenix
but he eventually powered out of it and tripped Brown with a drop toe. A senton
from Phoenix earned him a near
fall. Brown came back by reversing a whip into a large roadside sign. Dragging Phoenix
back towards the ring, Brown pounded his head into the apron and laid in some
heavy chops. They continued to brawl around the parking lot with Phoenix
being smashed head first into a parked car and Brown getting whipped into the
concrete fence. After ramming Phoenix
into the large roll-up door Brown threw him on the pavement and locked on a
camel clutch. Phoenix wouldn’t
submit and they eventually made their way back inside the ring. Phoenix
began to rally in earnest with a barrage of punches but Brown’s surprise DDT
flattened him. At that point Kex came out to ringside and distracted both Mercy
and Brown by impersonating a wrestler and Phoenix
was able to roll Brown up for the pin and the win. Thoughts: This was a very entertaining match that had the fans in
attendance cheering throughout. More than a few passing drivers did
double-takes when they saw the two fighting it out on the side of the road.
Brown and Phoenix should be
thankful that I am a responsible dog owner or this might have been a shitty
match. I don’t think there was any reason or need for Kex to show up at the
finish (or even be on the show for that matter.) I’d also like to state once more, for the record,
that Mercy in no way resembled a skater/hobo chick.
The Totally Weird ‘Insider Angle’ Match: Brett Scholl vs ‘Bob
Woods’ – Scholl came out to the ring and greeted the fans with his
customary “Hello you stupid marks.” He started going on about Bob Woods and how
he destroyed wrestling in Burlington.
‘Bob Woods’ came to the ring and declared he “built this town.” They started
the ‘match’ by trading full nelsons and go behinds with Scholl delivering a
running commentary about Woods training him and how much better he’s gotten
since then. Woods rolled Scholl up and got the pin with his feet on the ropes
for leverage. Thoughts: Unless you
know who Bob Woods is, and I’m guessing that 99% of the fans didn’t, you
probably wouldn’t have enjoyed this little performance. The assorted NSW
workers all seem to find it funny and Scholl and the imposter Woods were
certainly having a good time. I personally got a few chuckles out of it because
I ‘got it’ but think it might have been more effective to save this for the
‘smarter’ fans that frequent the shows at the NSW Hall of Justice.
NSW Cruiserweight
Championship Match: Prodigy (C) w/Kyle Davenport vs Snap Dragon – Kyle Davenport has
recently attached himself to cruiserweight champion Prodigy and this would be their
first real test as a tandem. The masked Snap Dragon gave little indication of
his feelings about KD being at ringside; keeping his focus firmly on the
champion. The two locked up at the start with a sweet sequence of mat based
moves and counters that grew quicker as the match progressed. Prodigy bailed to
the outside to break Dragon’s momentum but it did little to prevent being the
victim of an enthusiastic corner punch count down when he re-entered the ring.
Dragon was the first to take flight with a beautiful twisting splash for a 2
count. The champ fought back with some heavy kicks and nailed a suplex for a
near fall of his own. Prodigy choked Dragon on the ropes and distracted the
official while KD used his cane to continue the punishment. Prodigy rocked the challenger
with another suplex and grew cocky as he applied a chinlock. With his man
firmly in control, Davenport felt
comfortable enough to turn his attention from the match for a few moments to
hit on Mrs Id.
I ignored it. I figure I’ll let him find out on his own just how dangerous a
move that can be. Anyway, back in the ring Prodigy continued to work on Snap
Dragon’s neck until a jawbreaker put him on the mat. Davenport
whacked Dragon with his cane to stop his rally and Prodigy got a quick 2 count.
The heel tandem continued to work together to choke Dragon on the ropes until
ref Dread finally caught Davenport
in the act and sent him packing from ringside. While Prodigy argued with Dread
about that, the challenger cracked him with an enzeguri. Prodigy was dazed and
punched Dragon in the balls before once again working his neck with a chinlock
over the knee. Snap Dragon fought back and regained his feet before a nice
headscissor takedown rolled Prodigy into the corner. When the champ gained his
feet Dragon delivered a beautiful high kick to the head followed by a flying
heel kick. A standing flip press earned Dragon a near fall. Dragon flew of the
ropes with a ‘rana but Prodigy was up quick and they struggled for advantage.
Dragon hit a suplex and ref Dread counted the 3 but announced that he had
counted both men’s shoulders to the mat and awarded them both the victory. Fans
were confused, Prodigy grabbed his belt and left the ring and Dragon? Well, who
knows what he was thinking under that mask. Thoughts: This was a great match that built slowly from a mat-based
contest into some high flying excitement at the end. Prodigy’s strategy of
grounding Dragon and working his neck played very well and Davenport’s
efforts further stifled the high flying challenger’s game. When he did manage
to bust out some big moves later in the match they were more exciting because
they hadn’t been done to death in the first 5 minutes. Definitely the best
match I’ve seen to date from Snap Dragon. Fans were right into this bout and had
it not been for the weird finish, it would probably have taken match of the day
honors. Davenport, usually glued to
the tandem of Beauty & the Beast has scored a major coup in his quest for
dominance of the NSW scene by aligning himself with Cruiserweight Champ
Prodigy. The brooding champion is one of NSW’s hottest talents and with the
nefarious and dastardly Davenport
at his side; his lock on the title seems even tighter. Or does it? If this
match against Snap Dragon is any indication, Prodigy can’t afford to drop his
intensity for a second or he may drop his title too. With Challenger Matt Bison looming on the horizon and
scheduled to face Prodigy at the History
in the Making II show on June 24th, the champ and his new
manager better get ready.
Loser Eats a Dozen Donuts Match: ‘Showtime’ Brett Scholl w/Scotty
O’Shea vs Deanna Conda w/St Stephen Elias – This was quite possibly
the first ever Inter-Gender Loser Eats a Dozen Donuts Match in the history of
the world. Conda, who had arrived just moments before the match got underway
was the obvious favorite and walked around the parking lot greeting fans. ‘Showtime’
Brett Scholl walked out to the ring in his usual ‘Elton John on Acid’ entrance
attire and cut a pre-match promo about women’s rights which did little to
endear him to anyone. Basically, he thinks women have the right to make him
breakfast, lunch and dinner and little else. By the time he was finished
everyone there wanted Deanna to hand him his ass. Conda is a big woman but
Scholl had the definite size and weight advantage. He offered to give Conda the
win and lay down so she could pin him. She obliged but he kicked out at 2 and
rolled her up for a near fall of his own. When they regained their feet the 265
pounder slapped Deanna in the face so she walloped him right back and he fled
the ring. She met him with a drop toe upon his return and he quickly bailed
again as the crowd loudly got on his case. Scholl re-entered the ring and tried
for a clothesline which Deanna ducked under before springing off the ropes with
one of her own that almost lifted Scholl right out of his boots. Once again he
rolled to the outside and stalled. Meanwhile, the seconds in the match were
entertaining in their own right; Elias was racing around on some kid’s scooter
and O’Shea was casually taking calls on his cell phone at ringside. Their
antics helped to mollify the crowd which was becoming increasingly tired of
Scholl’s farting around. Scholl finally demanded that Deanna hold the ropes
open for him or he wasn’t going to re-enter the ring. When she did he kicked
her hard in the thigh and then dropped heavily onto her leg. With Conda down on
the mat he began working on her leg in earnest before finally taking a breather
with a chinlock. To the cheers of the crowd Deanna powered her way up and broke
the hold with some stiff elbows to Scholl’s gut. He quickly kicked her leg to
stem the assault and put her back on the canvas with a twisting neckbreaker.
Scholl climbed to the top rope and in typical fashion, missed by a mile which gave
Deanna time to recover. She laid into Showtime with clubbing forearms and
vicious elbow strikes off the ropes. She got a HUGE pop from the fans when she
scooped the big man up and body slammed him for a 2 count. Scholl once again
kicked at Deanna’s leg and began raining forearms down on her thigh while
screaming “this is how you beat a woman.” Scholl hoisted Deanna up but released
her when Kris Law ran to ringside. Deanna quickly grabbed her opponent and
rolled him up for the victory as rain began to fall. Despite the downpour, fans
celebrated wildly and Deanna was swarmed by young children; all wanting to be
close to the hero of the day. Thoughts:
From the crowd reaction alone this bout earns match of the day honors. Deanna Conda was easily the most popular
performer on the card and her opponent Bret Scholl the most despised. The match
itself, once they got past all the initial stalling from Scholl, was very well
done. The concentrated assault on one body part played out well and Deanna’s
eventual comeback and victory were more than enough to satisfy the crowd and
erase any residual ill feelings about watching Scholl beat on her for most of
the match. Conda is a powerhouse and my only complaint is that I don’t get to
see her in actual competition enough. It’s time for NSW to start bringing in
some other Ontario women to test
their resident Amazon.
And The Rain Came
Down: Right after the Scholl/Deanna Conda match, NSW official Jeff Smith
announced they would have to dismantle the ring and end the show due to the
weather. A dejected Kris Law stood in the ring, obviously upset that his world
title shot had been denied him. NSW Champion Timothy Dalton taunted Law about
not having to wrestle and Law snapped. He stole Dalton’s
world title belt, jumped in his car and raced from the parking lot. Dalton
car-jacked ref Dread who was leaving in his own vehicle and they sped off in
pursuit. The chase careened down Highway 403 to Hamilton
and ended outside the NSW Hall of Justice where Dalton
jumped Law as he exited his vehicle which signaled the start to…
Empty Arena Match, NSW World Championship: Timothy Dalton (C)
vs Kris Law – A small group of LLWA students and some wrestlers who had
earlier been at the show in Burlington
were shocked to discover Dalton and
Law brawling madly in the Hall of Justice parking lot. The two fought their way
into the building with ref Dread following. They battled through chairs and
entered the ring where Law gained the advantage with wild punches. He leveled Dalton
with a dropkick and the champion bailed, only to be flipped back inside the
ring and punched down in the corner as the assorted wrestlers and students
cheered the two on. Dalton again
fled the ring and Law chased after him. Dalton
whipped Law into a ladder and gave him a big boot to the gut before smashing
the ladder down on his back. Rolling Law back into the ring, Dalton got a
couple of near falls before settling into a blatant choke that ref Dread did
nothing to break; evidently believing he was there only to count the pinfalls. Dalton
punched away at Law in the corner and delivered a brutal running double knee
strike followed by two kicks to the groin. As Law crumpled to the canvas Dalton
continued to kick and stomp away at him. One running face stomp was
particularly vicious but Law was far from finished. He fought back with stiff
elbow strikes and a suplex for a 2 count. Dalton
responded with a whip off the ropes and a spinning neckbreaker for two
consecutive 2 counts himself. Looking to end it for sure, Dalton
scaled the ropes but Law avoided his 450 splash attempt and the champ
splattered himself on the mat. Law went on the attack with another dropkick but
collided with Dalton during an
exchange off the ropes and they both went down. The NSW wrestlers and LLWA
students were screaming like marks as Law was first up and nailed Dalton
with a bulldog, followed by a wicked driver for another near fall. Law began
arguing with ref Dread over the speed of his count and Dalton
snuck in a low blow from behind. One big slam and a roll-up using the tights
later and Dalton had retained his
title. As Dalton left the arena
with his belt, the students restarted their interrupted practice session and
Law slumped exhausted in one of the few chairs left standing. Thoughts: Wow. Now this was worth breaking some speed limits to keep up with the
chase! A very entertaining brawl that thankfully was captured on camera so it
will be on the DVD release. Both guys showed amazing intensity but Dalton
wanted it just a little bit more. A great match!
Final Thoughts:
NSW provided a free benefit show that had a little bit of everything including
some bizarre finishes and promos. The 6-way was a laugh riot and many of the
regular matches were very good. Gracey/Reed, Prodigy/Dragon and HHV/Shore were
all well done and the Falls Count Anywhere Match between Brown and Phoenix
was a wild affair. The Loser Eats Donuts match is sure to be talked about by
fans for a long time to come. Conspicuous by her absence from the show was Dalton’s
regular partner in crime, Pandora.
Unconfirmed reports said she was too hung over to attend… or having brunch with
a Nun in Colorado. I don’t
remember which. In any case, the show went on without her and, in spite of Kex;
NSW delivered another exciting card of Indy wrestling entertainment.
Check out the new and improved NSW website: http://www.nswwrestling.cjb.net/
Contact the wizard of id at: zapflash@sympatico.ca
